The Black Hearts Party Manifesto

[Kire]

The Black Hearts Party Manifesto

We the Black Hearts Party are waging a war of sanity. No longer shall we suffer to be the hapless prey of Cupid or the pawns of St. Valentine. Firmly we stand, against the army of fluffy white teddy bears that advance marching lock step from every convenience store and gas station. They pelt us with plastic-wrapped roses and shrill their shat-out love songs in our ears but to no avail. "Fax me" their candy hearts exclaim before they are crushed beneath our heels. Our eyes have been opened and no amount of Meg Ryan showing us her gums can close them again. We are the fed-up, the awoken, the free — The Black Hearts Party.

In the beginning…
Love never worked out for us the way it did on TV or in the movies or songs. It was harder, more awkward and humiliating. Valentine's Day was invariably a miserable, dateless disaster. It all seemed just a little phony, contrived before we even knew the word, unnatural. But it appeared to work for everyone else, so we resigned ourselves to the lonely existence of social outcasts and spent our adolescence listening to The Smiths and searching the atlas for desert islands to inhabit.

But we were not alone. Cautious inquiries revealed friends who felt similarly. Everyone did. It didn't matter whether they were perpetually single or joined at the hip: we all had reason to like The Smiths. From this, a thought was born. If the problem wasn't with us…

Fade to Black
It was born out of frustration. Each meaningless homily added fuel to our smoldering discontent. Everybody has "The One", the single person out of 883 million who is their perfect equal and match. With this soulmate they will have a true love, which requires no effort, patience, or compromise, is instantly recognizable, perpetually devoid of temptation or distraction, and never falters or loses momentum. An arbitrary, artificial holiday should serve as the official manifestation of love between all people of all types everywhere. And those countless varieties of people, in all their diversity, should conform to preset behaviors and activities when demonstrating their love on this day, should all think in exactly the same way, which, coincidentally enough, is also the same way the executives at Hallmark and the Disney Corporation think. Sure. Right.

A good time for a bad attitude
The more miserable this one-size-fits-all, "standard model" of love made us feel, the more we resented it, until finally we embraced…the dark side. We would attack their ideas, their precious clichés that they'd been ramming down our throats for so long, and most of all their insipid fucking holiday. As they had forced us to celebrate the bright, sunny, sugar-coated, synthetic side of love before, now we would celebrate the dark, grim reality. And so the Black Hearts Party was born.

Wouldn’t it be nice. Too fucking bad it isn’t.
Don't get us wrong: we think love is swell. It's tops. It's the cat's fucking madras slacks, but there's more to love than candy hearts and teddy bears and Very Special Episodes. We know it, you know it — if not now, then eventually — even old man Hallmark with his army of pink cherubots knows it. Love is many things and most of them ain't pretty.

The principle mission of the Black Hearts Party is to propagate the truth about love. For it's not some fanciful concept in which we believe. It's the truth, a truth that doesn't need you to believe in it in order for it to be true. Still think love is all puppies and Celine Dion, that we're nothing but a bunch of stunted, juvenile emotional fuckwits? Lucky for you, the Black Hearts Party is also dedicated to providing succor to our brethren, our fellow believers, those who stand beside us against the rising tide of Monica & Chandler memorial plates and Julia Roberts movies. And when the love of your life pours you a hot, steaming cup of "wake up and get the fuck out of my life", we'll be there for you too.

http://blackheartsparty.com/

[undergroundpanther]

1. Heh..

I took the optic test came out as a sexual bobby fisher????

As in bobby fisher teaches chess??? WTF??

Funny site!