I have a problem pissing people off.

[Maraya1969]

I am so sad right now. I moved to fucking Florida, (where saying Fuck is considered a mortal sin). During the last election and through the last few years I have received many emails from 'Christians" that I have sent back with a damming fury exposing the lies in them. (Like the one that had some sort of quote from the Koran that was meant to tell people that we were right to destroy the "bad people". And the ones that have something to the effect that if you are ashamed of Jesus than Jesus is going to be ashamed of you, (I sent that back as a lie but I've since realized that it IS written in the King James Bible). And there was one about a Muslim woman in a line at some store making an obnoxious comment.

There is just so much bullshit going around it drives me mad.

So a lot of people will not email me anymore. I go to AA, (not often because I have not drank in 26 years). But that is where I have met most of my friends including the ones who have backed away from me now because of politics. They are all Republicans.

Anyway, I have made a lot of enemies. In New Jersey the only problems I had were with the people who were tenants at the apartments I rented.

I half feel like I want to move back to New Jersey but it is so damned cold I don't think I could stand it. And I know that this feeling I have right now will pass.

I am diagnosed Bipolar with panic disorder and have had variations of OCD, ADD, LMNOP(? j/k) in the past - add on whatever you want. I know that the bipolar has caused me to be loud and obnoxious at times and has caused me to lose friends and get people mad at me.

I feel so sad right now. I am divorced with no kids but I have a dog , 2 cats and a bird. I love them all very much.

Oh, and my mother is mad at me too because I sent a "reply to all" email, (more than once) to her friends. She is very critical to start with. If I am feeling good about myself she has a way of whacking it right out of me.

I don't want to change who I am because I think standing up for the underdogs is a good quality.

Anyone else experience this? I do know there are people I can call right now that are my friends but I am fixated on the ones who don't like me right now.

Thanks for letting me ramble.

[Maraya1969]

1. Geeze people - Now I am really feeling bad - no one has

responded to my post. :cry:

[DemExpat]

2. Maraya, sometimes this group is quite slow moving.....

and posts can go awhile without any responses sometimes, and then at other times be very busy!

I am not bipolar, (although one of my best, dear friends is and I have lived through a lot with her!), but I do identify with some of your experience, and agree that sometimes it is so difficult to SEE a balance possible in being true to ourselves and keeping good relationships with people.

This is one of the most difficult things I face in my life as well.
:hug:

I guess in some ways it comes down to priorities - what is the most important.
I know that I have pretty much cleaned out my friend and acquaintance list of those who I do not really care about or share important things with - honing my social circle down to a few close friends, my family members who I get along well with, and my kids.
I find I am happiest with a smaller group of socially supportive relationships than a larger one of more superficial and sometimes irritating ones...:D

Animals too....:loveya:

Hope you feel better about yourself soon, and are able to focus on the good relationships you have and not just the failures...

:hug:

DemEx

[Maraya1969]

3. Thanks so much DemEx

I just woke up from a long nap and hopefully with a better attitude.

:hug:

[DemExpat]

4. Naps can be so good....

:D :hug:

DemEx

[undergroundpanther]

5. The grande piss off

I know what you mean. I piss off people and apparently make them tweak just by existing. It's hard to realize some people are assholes and it's not you ...especially realizing when people got all these beliefs assumptions and baggage in thier own heads are getting in the way of just relating to you as an equally valid human being.

I myself have gotten to the point inside where most of humanity has been written off as invalid,emotionally dead to me,which means I don't give a flying fuck through a doghnut what anyone else says or thinks about me anymore because they can't stop pushing their opnions and unwanted"advice" and assholiness. So I reject thier ongoing comments and reactions.(at least about thier reactions to me,how I dress,what I say,how I express mysself ect.)I am in general decent when people respect me as I respect them back.If you are rude to me when I am not seeking to be rude to you than my additude to these self rightious gasbags is Hey, You,shut the fuck up!

Sometimes I hate humanity, I mean I HATE them.
I think humanity is basically apingf the sociopaths,and it is leading all of us into self destructing or becoming a "programmed" heatless reptile like species ..This programmed reaction is designed by the process of civilizing, trauma.the cultural demand to be all the same, an intolewrance for uncertainty,ambiguity ect. a engineeered follow and obey authority at all costs mentality . This cultural baggage and personal issues shit is motivating people under alot of the hostility I see coming twords me. I think some of this is because of my ambiguity of gender,my unique appearance and freedom of thoughts.I think therefore I am hated by all who would rather I go along with the consensus and not think..
This culture is sick it does eveything it can to stifle wildness,sponenaity,creativity, vibrant full emotional expressions and connection ,independant thoughts,ties to a nurturing community and the natural genius out of people from childhood on.

There are maybe .000001% people in any given town that are decent enough to hang around and worth my time to associate with them.

Most people are at least nowadays,bullies,inconsiderate jerks, 'psychgic'vampyres,they lack integrity, are self absorbed narcisstic fuckleheads,they lack any kind of capacity for emotional connection, they are trivial,weak hearted,they do not know how to think or maintain equalmutually respectful two way relationsihps and do not want to learn how to either, they are insensitive,greedy,insincere,
manipulative,dishonest,selfish,dumb as a box of rocks,ugly hearted,uncreative,petty,conformists,people without an original thought of thier own(if they have original thoughts they sure as hell are scared pr too inibited by social opression or traumas in thier lives to share them), they are so easily threatened by ANYTHING different, chronically uncurious, alot are religious control freaks,The list goes on and on..

When someone gets mad at me I always consider 2 sources..
In this order

#1 are they a dumbfuck..?

#2 am I taking my anger about all the dumbfucks on this planet out on someone who isn't one?


99% of the time I run into a dumbfucks..People who irritate the crap out of me or some asshole who because they are tweaking and unwilling to own thier own issues cannot resist pushing toxic unasked for opinions about me onto me or selling some belief system to me I could give a rats ass about.When an innocent person gets it I see thier reaction and I am compelled to apologize and make things right.
I have made freinds this way believe it or not.

The next step I consider is it worth letting the dumbfuck in front of me get an earful or not? Do I got the time to waste messing with idiots?

Always remember it is you who choose who's opinions matter and who's you blow off.I findfreinds opinions carry weight depending on how good the relationship between us is.
I blow off mostof humanity because I see they do nothing but tear down other people for being who they are. Fuck'em all and thier opinions,if they refuse to keep thier unwanted bullshit comments to themselves thinking thier rudeness makes them "clever"..or assume thier anger gives them permission to bully a person who is not attacking them. I'm not scared of anger in me or others so I attack the jerks right back twice as ruthlessly just to let these fuckheads know I am not to be fucked with. Whatever you do don't let them dump thier own sickness into you.Give it back to them, because it's not your problem they have hangups..

Here is an article I wrote I thought you might like.

http://www.rudemacedon.ca/0306/0620-freedom.html

Take care U.P.