I dreamed about ghosts of times past

[Droopy]

In the dream I was about 18 again and I was hanging out in someone's garage with three of my buddies. We were drinking beer and working on someone's motorcycle which sounds like something we'd do back then. It was a cold winter's day and the whole setting seemed to be devoid of life.

I've not hanged around 2 of those three friends in several years, but from what I hear from family members that do, those 2 guys are ghosts of their former selves and the one that I still talk to is as well. I might be, too, I guess. We are all in our mid 30s now. One guy has three children by three different women. He's gone to jail for a drug crime and another time for failure to pay child support. He now works as a mechanic, lives with his parents, and doesn't have a pot to piss in. Last time I visited another one of the guys he was married and had a son and was making good money in an IT job. But he hates his kid and treats him like shit. It's so bad that the last time I visited with him I had to cut the night short because I was losing control of my ability to refrain from beating the shit out of the guy. The guy that I still do hang out with from time to time has done absolutely nothing since we were kids. I guess he hasn't held a job for longer than 2 months his whole life and he hasn't worked for 7 years. I don't know what's wrong with him, but he seems to be content still living with his parents and bumming money off of his mom for cigarettes. Dude, you're not 18 anymore! Then there's me. I'm the best off of the bunch now, but my brain was ravaged by a severe mental illness for 10 years- my lost decade. I've got a good job, but I work 60 hours a week. I don't really have any friends. I'm single with no children. My whole life seems to revolve around money. I'm obsessed with paying off all of my debt, including my mortgage, so I can take it easy for the rest of my life.

Yeah, we're all ghosts. I come away from the dream feeling like something in me has died. Do you believe in reincarnation?

[hermetic]

1. Hey, Droopy

Gosh, sounds to me like you are the most well-adjusted of the bunch. And I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to be debt-free.

Perhaps what "died" was a part of you that could have ended up being like your buddies there. And your reincarnated self is in way-better shape than you used to be. Plus, you're still young and you have a whole life in front of you now.

And, you know, you always have friends here. You really have helped people here, by sharing your thoughts and experiences.

Sending good thoughts your way.

:hi:

[Droopy]

2. Thanks enufalready

I guess I still get a little down sometimes. And I never am really all that up. That's probably due to the lithium. There are times when I wish I could have my mania back, just without the delusions of grandeur :). I feel my best when I don't have any pressing issue going on in my life. When I can just sit back and relax or do whatever I want. I wish life could be like that all the time.

And I appreciate your kind words. There was a time on DU when I could not post about mental illness without someone going negative on me saying that mental illness isn't real or suggesting that those who take psychiatric medication are just weak and need a pill to prop them up. That was one of my reasons why I suggested we start this group. You can come in here and talk about anything you please and you will find an empathetic and supportive group. We are kind to each other here.