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i'm tripping someone's triggers. help!

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mopinko Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-16-08 02:24 PM
Original message
i'm tripping someone's triggers. help!
ok, i am the president of an artist's coop. there are 10 of us. i am mostly the pres because no one else wanted it. it is a very thankless job, but i do not mind. i kinda enjoy it.
it has been going pretty well for the last year. people have been there a lot, and we have done a few things together. this is always the sticky time of year, because we have a studio sale. people have to all work together, share space, and basically loose a lot of the autonomy that we usually have and cherish. we also have a vacancy, and a candidate who is really not all that qualified. most of the members want to grab her, rather than keep looking. mostly we are fine money wise for a few more months, and the leaving person's lease is not over until march.

so, one of the newer members, who i seriously thought liked me, went off on me the other day. she had sorta sniped at me a couple of times in the past. i had a rather large argument with one of the other members, and she laid into me for it. i started noticing that she was getting very snipppey with me, so i asked her if there was a problem. she just bubbled over about how i was one of those people. "you are one of those people. everything is fine, but you keep saving up things to be mad about. you are one of those people that yells, that raises their voice. you are trying to corner me, and manipulate me, and get me to do things. i have had 2 relationships in my adult life that were manipulative, and dominating and abusive. i don't need any more. i walked away. i am just not going to go there. you are one of those people. i am just not going to be told what to do." and on and on, in that way that people have when you hit a nerve.

i am NOT one of those people, but i am the president, and even if i wasn't, i would be doing most of the things that i have been doing. i organized several group opportunities this year, etc. these are artists, and it is very hard to work together. but sometimes we have to. the bottom line is that we are a coop.
i presume we are talking about a pretty serious problem of one sort or another. either she is traumatized by these relationships that she had, or she is traumatized by the relationships she thinks she had. i do not know what to do. i had a similar problem with a couple of past members, one of whom confessed when she resigned that she was suffering from depression. i did everything i could think of to be nice, respectful, etc. nothing worked. so, i already look like a trouble maker.
this space, my art space, means as much to me as it does to other members. more than some. things were quiet. now i have this disaster lurking. FUCK!

help me out, here. what am i supposed to do?
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elleng Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-16-08 10:49 PM
Response to Original message
1. (((mopinko)))
First, you know, THESE ARE ARTISTS!

Next, what's it called, 'transferrence?'

Keep on Keeping ON!
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mopinko Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-16-08 11:17 PM
Response to Reply #1
2. yes, i am the presiding officer of an oxymoron.
artists, indeed. part of the problem is that this is bouncing back and forth with a member that is also "a little off". i love her, but sometimes i need to kick her ass. she is a born critic and churns and burns over every decision. so, she thinks one thing one day, and something else the next. she especially likes to be against things. as long as she isn't passing that around, it is not too bad. but i think it is churning around a little too much.

i am just trying to figure out how to get to the bottom of just how disturbed this woman is without descending to adolescent gossip games. and what if she needs someone to reality check her?


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