Social poachers - it's a skill to beware . . .

[ConcernedCanuk]

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So - you make a new friend, you decide to let them into your World.

You introduce them to some of your friends (you fail to notice that they don't introduce you to any of THEIR friends)(maybe they don't have any?)

anyhoo - all of a sudden YOUR friends that you shared ain't your friends much anymore?

SOCIAL POACHERS

read on

Beware of social poachers[b>
They steal your friends. It's worse than losing a mate.

BARBARA RIGHTON | August 13, 2008

/snip/

Connie Varnhagen, a psychology professor at the University of Alberta, says friend selection is little different from mate selection. "You decide which one you would rather have and you go with the better one," she explains. And it's always worth remembering, especially for those who are dumped, that when people are poached, they don't go passively. "It depends on what the poachee wants out of the relationship," Varnhagen says. "It is adaptive. If you were out there somewhere in the big wide world where there were a lot of lions, for example, you might want to hang with someone you think is big and strong and is going to help you out, until you meet another person who is bigger and stronger" — or better dressed or better connected. People also try to poach up, she says, because, "It adds to our perception of ourselves in society."

/snip/

Growing up, I was part of a circle of five or six and everyone was friends with everyone. Now I have à la carte friends." Even more depressing, relationship studies, like the one that came out of Duke University two summers ago, say ordinary people are lucky if they have two friends. Twenty-five per cent of the population has no friends at all.

Maybe that's why social poaching is gaining such traction.

/snip/

"People sometimes trade up consciously, especially if they think a friend of a friend can help them."
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Interesting

MORE info on this phenomenon here

[undergroundpanther]

1. I had alot of friends

Then this manipulating girl came into my life via one of my other friends.She seemed to have her shit together,she lived at her moms and was going to college What I didn't find out early on was she was narcissistic,manipulative a user and an asshole.I knew her for a couple of months prior to her issues that led to me helping her. We all got along fine.She was not revealing her true character yet and she was a damn good actor..One day her parents were nuts threatening her,hitting her. .She got kicked out/left her house. I offered her the spare room in my house when she showed up in tears one night,my friend had broken up with her and said he wanted to be friends.She had no car,her mother would not let her use it anymore. she was devastated.What else could I do? Leave her homeless? .

She got a job and walked to it and paid her part. All was well for a while or so it seemed. She was unable to exist without a boyfriend for longer than a week.So she hooked up with an older guy we all knew guy who was into SM.Her stress over what he was doing to her,and her freaking out because of it compounded my issues. But regardless of the BF issue she was respectful and didn't make a mess.She broke up with her older SM boyfriend after about a month and a half..A few DAYS later she met another older guy we all knew at a party and started going with him.She had been saving up some money hooked up with her grandmother and got a car of her own.I was happy for her. But all of a sudden she was , acting like a snot to me. Why? I couldn't figure it out. She ended up leaving my house in a huff over nothing. But that was not the end of it.She tried to screw me over with the phone bill,among other things. And she was trying to be the center of attention in everything.

With her new BF, my friend of 5 years along with another guy,we all knew,these few cooked up a stupid idea to form a clique to dominate a club we all used to go to. They wanted to play a game that they were "elites".I told them it was a bad idea.
But they decided to be a clique and I was not included.
I didn't care, I treated my old friend as I always did,he seemed to be fine with it.
Once the club owner caught wind of what they were doing,taking over the club ..the clique was disbanded My ex roommate,and her BF got booted from the club.A club needs to make revenues,and requiring patrons to be sucking up to a clique is not a good way to get people in the door.

It seems my ex room mate was a friend poacher.


It takes years to build friendships.
2 years ago I dumped my emotionally abusive ex.I was alone but I had a few friends I knew from when I first came here.They came over more when he was gone. Soon I met more people through my few friends now that my ex was not there interfering.Things began to look better for me socially.And it was for awhile.

Than the little poacher became my friend,I knew her for a few months she seemed ok.Than she had a crisis I helped her out and got fucked over for helping.
Now the friendships I had,even some I had for as long as 5 years, or more,are gone.

They don't visit,why I dunno..I call them,but I get no call backs,it feels horrible.. I do believe my friends got poached,I think the article describes what happened to me pretty well. My connection to them got dissolved somehow.I don't know why. I don't know what to do about it.What happened? I'd blame myself but I know I did not do anything to cause it.It hurts.

Sometimes I think I will always be alone.No matter what I do. I hate this world. I can't wait until I die.Death where I feel nothing,be nothing,no existing anymore.Just cease.I'm tired of trying,and trying and failing over and over. I can't deal with this shit.I hate asshole people,and it seems that most of the world is filled with assholes.

Thanks for posting the link.