My messianic complex

[Tobin S.]

Back when I was doing my best not to fly off a very tall building, I thought of myself as the last being of an un-evolved precursor of modern mankind. In the deepest depths of my delusion I thought that I was holding everyone in the world back from experiencing Utopia. I thought that I had to die for everyone else to be able to move on.

That's not the kindly hippie guy that people think about when they think about Jesus, but it's really not a big leap from his story of self sacrifice. I didn't realize that until recently. I also didn't understand that I still have a remnant of that messianic complex even though I've been doing pretty good for the last 6 years.

I was driving home from work one day last week when I had that epiphany. It was like a fog lifting from my mind, and I could feel the stress and pain that I was causing myself instantly relieved. I could see clearly. Now I can move on. I've been a door mat. I think I'll try something different now. :)

[elleng]

1. GOOD!

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[mopinko]

2. so, it would probably be wrong for me to say

that you are my hero. you have battled so bravely, and come so far. ok, hero is maybe a little strong. but i really do admire how far you have come, and how you have put your story out here.
good job.

[Tobin S.]

4. Thanks mopinko

I'm proof that things can get better for mentally ill people, even with severe illnesses like the one I have. I've been very fortunate to get good medical care and a good doctor that I see regularly. I'm also thankful for the support of my family through all of this. I don't know where I'd be without them.

[qb]

3. Remember the route to this awareness. It will be useful in the future.

I remember the relief I felt when I was finally able to see 'the big picture'. Thanks for the reminder.

[Forkboy]

5. My counselor says I'm a bipolar anomaly.

He says I'm one of the rare ones that doesn't have feelings of grandiosity. If anything, I go in the complete opposite direction and feel that I'm anything but important to the world (they call it low self esteem, I call it reality). And that doesn't bum me out in the slightest. Hell, I wish I was invisible to everyone.

I'd like to echo what mopinko said. Your posts are always interesting, and you do more to erase the stigma of mental illness than any of us, and I have a ton of respect for you and the way you handle all of this.

:toast:

[Tobin S.]

6. I appreciate the kind words, Forkboy

I think this is a very good forum. Even though a lot of us here are going through hard times, when we write about it anyone who stumbles across this forum and takes the time to do some reading will see the human side of mental illness. It's not just something made into a sensational headline manufactured to sell newspapers with very little in the way of an explanation of what mental illness really is. There is no understanding involved in that. Then people say, "How on Earth could anyone think or do such a thing?" There is no explanation. They were just crazy.

Also, if you just paid attention to the main stream media and got your information about mental illnesses from that source, you'd never understand that the vast majority of people who have a mental illness never even break the law, let alone hurt anyone. Most of us are just hanging around and trying to sort things out. We are doing our best to get along in life. If we're lucky we are getting good medical care, but you know how that goes.

[Odin2005]

7. Your own personal Jesus?

:evilgrin:

[Tobin S.]

8. Speak my name and know forever lasting life!