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Ugh. Can I please rant. Please? Re: catcalls, clothing, etc

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Heddi Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-14-05 08:43 PM
Original message
Ugh. Can I please rant. Please? Re: catcalls, clothing, etc
Okay.

So I live in the sticks of Eastern Washington. Not nice and rainy cool drizzle grey like Seattle.

Oh no.

Hot, 100F, dry, windy, sunny, nasty, sweaty.

So I'm out in my garden today gardening, weeding, doing shit like that.

And I'm wearing what I think is appropriate for a day that is 97F--a tank top, running shorts, hat, flip-flops. No bra, but my tank-top isn't see through, and you can't see my boobs unless you're standing underneath my shirt.

The shorts are running shorts, dark blue, t-shirt material. Light and airy so I can garden without spontaneously combusting.

So I'm out front, watering the yard, weeding----when a car full of asshole teenagers drives by and yells

HEY BABY GIVE ME SOME OF THOSE TITTIES LET ME FUCK YOUR ASS MMMMM SHOW SOME ASS BITCH

???

what
the
fuck?

What the fuck am I supposed to do? Wear fucking amish garb when I'm gardening? A space-suit? Or is it a given that because I have breasts and a vagina, that my sole purpose in life is to be a walking fuck-hole for everything that has a penis?

I can't even GARDEN in MY FUCKING YARD without being cat-called? I can't even WEED MY FUCKING TOMATO BED without being propositioned for anal sex by some 16 year old fucking hoodlum gangster fuckface?

SO they drive by, and I didn't realize what they were saying until they had driven by, and I just shrugged it off.

No more than 10 minutes later they cruise by again, this time slower, and with purpose

HEY YOU FUCKING BITCH WHY DON'T YOU BEND OVER HERE AND SUCK MY COCK. I'LL GIVE YOU A CUCUMBER YOU WON'T FORGET

the fucker in the backseat yells

I BET HER PUSSY TASTES LIKE COW SHIT HA HA HA HAH A

and they screeched off.

What the fuck? Is this what the youth of society sees women as? We're not even safe GARDENING? IN A RESIDENTIAL FUCKING NEIGHBORHOOD?

IT just SUPER pissed me off. SO fucking bad.

Not that it's acceptable in any circumstances, but it's not like I was walking down the street in heels and a skirt with makeup and all that shit on (again, not that cat-calls are acceptable in any situation). I was IN MY YARD.

I was not showing tit
I was not showing ass

All I was showing was a dirty hand-spade and a bucket full of weeds.

Disgusting. And there's not a fucking thing I can do about it. Nothing to get through these asshole's heads that I (or any woman) is not here for their fucking plundering and pleasure. I can't ask them how they would feel if someone said that to their mother, or grandmother, or sister, or daughter. Of course, they wouldn't care and most likely would find it funnier than having it said to me.

The first thought I had--and I know this is wrong--but the FIRST thought I had was "Great. Future rapists driving right by me getting their thrills. See you in prison, boys"

sick, I know. But deviant behaviour just the same.

You just can't win for losing, can you?

So now, I suppose I'll have to garden in the dark of night, lest I temp hormonal young men with my sexy dirty tank top and erotic sweat-stained shorts. Mmm. oh yeah baby. My pussy DOES taste like dirt. And sweat. And cow manure. And weeds. And all that other shit I've been sitting in for the last hour. You know what, though? At least I'm being productive instead of being a walking poster for post-birth fucking abortion.

How proud their parents must be of them
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chicaloca Donating Member (704 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-14-05 09:11 PM
Response to Original message
1. Rocks.
I'm seriously thinking about carrying around large rocks in my pockets to hurl at any shitbrained little male scumbags who get it in their heads to so much as look at me the wrong way. This type of behavior is precisely why I, and just about every woman, will never be able to enjoy summer as much as men do. In fact, in the last few years, I've decided that I hate summer for this very reason. Men can go around wearing no shirts, and whether they're buff and toned or pack the largest beer belly in town, they can feel safe and not get any comments. But if we dare to so much as wear a tank top when it's warm enough to die of heat stroke, well, we're asking for it. After all, we MUST want to be harassed if we wear anything other than a burka in public -- except, oh yeah, we'd still be harassed then because we'd be perceived as being immigrants and/or racial minorities. And if we don't wear feminine clothing, we get harassed for that. So no matter what, men think they're entitled to ogle at and comment on our bodies regardless of what we wear. The solution to harassment as it stands now is to sit inside with the blinds drawn and never go out. Oh, wait. Except then we get labeled as reclusive witches and the entire neighborhood hates us and will probably encourage their bratty little children to play ding-dong-ditch and vandalize our property.
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Lydia Leftcoast Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-14-05 09:28 PM
Response to Original message
2. A few years ago I had a moment of enlightenment
Yes, they are irritating little beasts, no doubt about it, and they'll grow up to be the kind of construction workers who hassle women on the sidewalk.

But it's not about you. I've seen elderly women in winter coats get the same treatment.

They do it for the benefit of each other. It's a form of competition with the other guys, and the one who gets the most reaction wins.

I've never seen a young male alone indulge in this kind of behavior, only goons in groups. They know that many woman could deck a skinny young guy who was by himself, but a gang of sneering young males is more intimidating.

They're cowards, covering up their fear of women by being abusive, but only in groups. They have a lot in common with freeper trolls. In fact, there's probably a great deal of overlap between the two groups.
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chicaloca Donating Member (704 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-14-05 09:58 PM
Response to Reply #2
4. absolutely
I also think it proves that not only are men afraid of women, they're terrified of each other. You hear so much about women hating and/or fearing other women, but you never hear about how men hate and fear each other, which often has much more horrible consequences than women turning against each other. In the book Transforming a Rape Culture, a rape crisis worker was talking about gang rape and how it's possible that so many men will actually consent to such a heinous act. The worker said that in those situations, there are usually men who aren't okay with what's going on, but if they object or stop what's going on, their masculinity will be called into question, which then puts them at risk of violence as well. How fucked up is that, that many men won't even stop a rape because they fear other men so much? :grr:
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smirkymonkey Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-14-05 11:54 PM
Response to Reply #4
10. It's like they are so desperately afraid of being thought GAY,
heaven forbid, that they go out of their way to display the ugliest, macho, meathead behaviour they can come up with.

Still, it's wrong and demeaning and I think women should be allowed to shoot them without penalty. Joking, kind of. :evilgrin:
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jmm Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-14-05 10:02 PM
Response to Reply #2
6. Exactly
I've has some bad experiences when guys were alone but they always seem to be worse when they're in groups. It's like the woman is secondary and putting on a show for their friends comes first.

I know it's not the safest idea but I've always had a temper and am a big fan of confrontation. One day when I was about 15 I was going to my father's house and saw a group of older men, I'm guessing in their 30's and 40's, standing on the corner in front of a store. When I passed I heard one say, "Excuse me Miss." I turned and said, "Yes." One of them pulled a wad of cash out of his pocket and asked, "How much?" I took the tops off of my hot coffee and replied, "$1.50 and well worth it," as I threw it at him. He just looked at me as I walked away and his friends teased him. Maybe after being embarrassed in front of his friends he'll think twice before doing it again.
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Hello_Kitty Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-14-05 10:11 PM
Response to Reply #6
8. Whoa!
Now that's a way to handle it! I'm a hothead too but I usually get too flustered in the actual situation to respond so decisively.
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jmm Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 11:13 AM
Response to Reply #8
13. I can get flustered the first time I experience something but
Edited on Fri Jul-15-05 11:13 AM by jmm
unfortunately, even at 15, I already had too much experience dealing with men like that.
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Wetzelbill Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 12:57 PM
Response to Reply #2
18. Right on many points,
Get one by themselves walking along the streets and they are quiet as a mouse.

It also just doesn't happen to women. Car loads of teenagers can be menaces anyway. Just on Wednesday, I, a man of course, was sitting at a bus stop and a pick up of young punks drove by and one of them yelled something at me. I can't remember it was something like:"Hey what F' are you doing, Blaaaaaah." It was totally juvenile. Served no purpose, he would have never gotten out and said it to me. But you know...

Keep in mind, these are the same types who throw pee-filled water balloons at others and so on. They are tactless and really not worth your time worrying about.
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lukasahero Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 01:07 PM
Response to Reply #18
19. An educational opportunity
Edited on Fri Jul-15-05 01:08 PM by lukasahero
Bill, telling a woman who has been verbally harassed by a group of boys yelling sexual slurs and threats not to worry about it is a big problem here. One post suggesting the same has already been deleted.

Whether or not it happens to men and women (and, with apologies to our gay brethren, I doubt too many men face the sexual threats Heddi received), the point is that it is much more likely that something can happen to the woman on the receiving end - especially if she attempts to defend herself from the threat.

Edited for spelling.
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Logansquare Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 05:29 PM
Response to Reply #19
40. My husband was almost sexually assaulted by a man
It's not something most men experience or even expect. The disturbing jokes about prison rape in other forums point to a widespread belief that it couldn't happen to them.

He was in his early 20s, waiting at a deserted bus stop early in the morning, and an intoxicated man came up to him and solicited sex. My husband drew away, and said no. The man then jumped him, and punched him in the face while trying to tear his pants off. There was a terrible struggle, and finally a man in a passing car shouted and scared the attacker away.

My husband is a small man, and he has had many experiences where other men tried to intimidate him because of this, but an attempted rape was not something he ever expected. The worse thing is the stigmatization he feels. To the best of my knowledge, he has never told a male friend about this.

I just tell this to support your assertion--it isn't something that a man ever expects, so most of them don't get the link between verbal and physical sexual aggression.
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MountainLaurel Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 07:19 PM
Response to Reply #19
47. Thanks for your eloquence
'Cause that's just what I was thinking, and in not-so-nice a way.
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Wetzelbill Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 09:22 PM
Response to Reply #47
48. :)
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Misunderestimator Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 02:14 PM
Response to Reply #18
22. It's not just about tactlessness... these kind of threats are dangerous...
and advising a woman not to take them seriously, or not "worry" about them, is advising her to put herself in danger.
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Wetzelbill Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 04:13 PM
Response to Reply #22
32. Right you both are....
They are dangerous. I wanted to address that to the op, I just haven't had time to do so. You should definitely worry about it, because a woman may get hurt etc.

What I meant about not worrying is, a person knows who they are and the op and the rest of you all know you are good people. If you dwell on that incident, and you let it eat you up what some punks were saying, it's a bad thing. Take it seriously, but don't let it get the best of you. If that's wrong and you suggest that she should let that eat her up inside for the rest of the next several years then I'd have to disagree. But, certainly don't take the danger of it lightly.
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Misunderestimator Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 04:52 PM
Response to Reply #32
37. It's not about letting it "eat you up"... it's about understanding the...
danger and taking precautions... How on earth would you have drawn the conclusion from our posts that we would have advised the OP to let it "eat her up"... ?
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Wetzelbill Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 05:25 PM
Response to Reply #37
39.  I didn't
I was explaining what I was getting at.

So how on earth did you get that I didn't think a woman should take precautions. Do you even know who I replied to? It wasn't the OP, I was agreeing with the second poster, I correlated a similar story that she did and so on.

It really doesn't matter what I say. Because you're going to find something wrong with it anyway.
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Misunderestimator Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 05:30 PM
Response to Reply #39
41. I truly do not know what your issue is... but you responded to ME...
Edited on Fri Jul-15-05 05:36 PM by Misunderestimator
And I was answering what YOU said which was:

"If that's wrong and you suggest that she should let that eat her up inside for the rest of the next several years then I'd have to disagree."


"So how on earth did you get that I didn't think a woman should take precautions."

Because you said "they are tactless and really not worth your time worrying about." when referring to the "boys."

You clearly have a chip on your shoulder about women. And now you seem to have a chip on your shoulder about me. Let it go.
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Wetzelbill Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 05:41 PM
Response to Reply #41
42. I don't want to argue
But you keep coming at me. You responded to my response to the 2nd poster. You said that it wasn't the tactlessness etc. I have no chip on my shoulder regarding women. I'm just not a doormat and I don't like how you keep messing with me. You never reply to me or any or my other posts that others have complimented me on, to agree with me or anything. You just jump in and criticize. My last post to you yesterday, I apoligized to you, said I'd like to hear more from you etc. You just ignored that. Like it didn't exist. Maybe I did overreact yesterday, but all you do is find fault in me. It's offensive and wrong and you wouldn't like it if I did it to you.
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Misunderestimator Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 05:45 PM
Response to Reply #42
43. Why on earth should I compliment you?
Edited on Fri Jul-15-05 05:46 PM by Misunderestimator
Do you think because some people do, everyone should? And why should I not respond to your posts in this forum? And if I don't agree with you, why would I respond to you and say I do?

You are in a feminist forum. MANY of the things you contribute here are OFFENSIVE TO ME as a woman. Why should I coddle a boy here in this forum, the one place we have to escape this kind of attitude? I'm not here to dry your tears.


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Wetzelbill Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 05:48 PM
Response to Reply #43
44. I doubt you even read my posts
You just find something to get at me with. You don't have to coddle anyone. You don't have to treat anybody like shit either. And, you do.
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Misunderestimator Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 05:50 PM
Response to Reply #44
45. And I can turn it right around and say you treat me like shit...
because you do. I have read all the posts that I have responded to. it's funny that you somehow think by my responses that I haven't... that only proves to me how much you don't take responsibility for what you say.
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Wetzelbill Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 06:04 PM
Response to Reply #45
46. alright...
I admit, I've been a jerk too. I have acted reactively and treated you like shit. But, it works both ways. I am honestly offended about some of this stuff. I felt bad that I offended you, and I feel remorse for getting into it with you today. What do I have to do to get along? I'd like to. We shouldn't snap at each other like this. I'm sure we agree on a great many things -outside of this forum anyway- we shouldn't end up letting this get the best of us. I'm hoping we can take a step back and work this out. :)
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chicaloca Donating Member (704 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-18-05 05:49 PM
Response to Reply #32
51. *sigh*
This is sounding too much like my aforementioned argument with my friend. When women talk about this stuff, we're not looking for advice, unless it's about how to END this type of behavior -- and even then, we prefer to get that type of advice from other women. We're not looking for judgment of how we feel or react, which you probably didn't mean, but that's how this type of reaction comes across. It feels bad enough to be verbally harassed by men, but when men tell us how to feel about it, it's suggesting that we should be ashamed of how we feel on top of everything else. This type of reaction is one of THE biggest mistakes you guys can make in these situations. It's belittling because you don't experience sexism and misogyny on the level that we do, and it makes you look as though you think you know better than we do because you're giving us advice. I know I've been going on a lot lately about rape culture, but catcalling and other verbal harassment is one piece in the jigsaw puzzle of rape culture. If men think they're entitled to constantly comment on our bodies, it's not that far before they think they're entitled to our bodies in other ways, or before one guy's behavior gives another guy ideas. If they're constantly one-upping each other, and women learn to tolerate this behavior and men have to do worse and worse things to get a reaction, they eventually turn to physical violence to get a reaction. That's why the appropriate reaction to this is to either sympathize or talk about solutions that focus on the perpetrators, not to tell us that we shouldn't let it eat us up (which is a weird response, because I didn't see anybody here telling Heddi to let it eat her up).
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Kipepeo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-19-05 12:25 PM
Response to Reply #51
54. I think this post is spot on
A big breakdown in communication I experience w/ my boyfriend comes from his wanting to *give me advice* on issues like this or somehow *fix the problem.* If I am complaining about men yelling sexist slurs at me, I don't want him to give me advice on how to feel about it. Like you said, it implies that he knows more about it than I do or that my feelings are somehow the problem.

If I am relating an experience like this, most of what I want to do is have someone listen and let me vent. If the person listening is a man, the best he can do to *fix the problem* is the carry the story I just told him with him. If he's ever in a situation to see a woman threatened like that with sexist slurs I hope it would help him recognize it for what it is, and speak up about it. If he can educate another man about sexism that's great because it means women aren't having to constantly be teachers on the subject.
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chicaloca Donating Member (704 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-18-05 05:25 PM
Response to Reply #18
50. um...
Being called a "bitch" or "whore" is a lot more hurtful to one's self-esteem than somebody yelling "WTF are you doing". I just got into a huge argument with one of my guy friends over this, because he told me that people say nasty things to him when he's doing activist leafletting on the street and he's "learned" to not let it bother him. As far as I'm concerned, anybody who can say "don't worry about it" hasn't faced the number and level of verbal and physical assaults that women face. It's a little different when you're being insulted for how you were born than for what you're doing, and it's really hurtful to hear people who don't know what it's like tell us not to worry about it.
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cedahlia Donating Member (883 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-18-05 08:27 PM
Response to Reply #50
52. exactly, chicaloca!
As participants in several political and animal rights rallies, my friends and I endured plenty of shit-talking from freepers passing by (probably much like what your guy friend has experienced.) But for me, that type of verbal insult in no way compares to the experience of being sexually harassed. It's a whole different ball game. Feelings of humiliation and fear for my safety were very real following the instances of sexual harassment I have experienced as a woman. The hatred of women and a potential for violence just seethes from these men who put forth all that bullshit onto women. It is difficult to explain to someone who has never experienced this, but sadly, most women probably know what I'm talking about.

And I have kind of a poor memory in general, but I remember the instances of sexual harassment I have experienced in pretty vivid detail. I remember the hateful words, the looks on the the harassers faces, and the pain and humiliation I felt afterward. On the other hand, the memories of insults that were hurled at me by political/ideological opponents at political demonstrations are only faded memories. And there are no painful emotions tied up in those memories either. That kind of nastiness just rolled off my back, and in fact, it just made us want to protest even louder! It was actually kind of fun trading barbs with the freepers. But sexual harassment cuts deep, and as someone else noted, it is something that a woman so often experiences when she is by herself, and dangerously outnumbered.
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Logansquare Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 02:14 PM
Response to Reply #2
21. That's exactly it, Lydia
I was walking down the street and a group of frat boys--you know the type--started driving slowly next to me and shouting about how I was "too ugly to fuck," and "I'd eat her if I could put a bag over her head," etc. I made it look as if I was ignoring them, although in reality I was sorry I wasn't packing heat. They eventually got bored with me, and started to troll next to a 60-something man with a beard and shoulder-length gray hair. "Hey, Jerry Garcia, you got any hash?", "you look like an old bitch," "say something, so I can kick your wrinkly ass!"

They wanted to show off to the other guys, and to also establish their superiority over what they perceived as their inferiors--a lowly middle-aged female and an older, unconventional-looking man.
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Hello_Kitty Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-14-05 09:57 PM
Response to Original message
3. God that sucks! Those little shits....
Edited on Thu Jul-14-05 09:57 PM by ccbombs
I really hope that the lurkers who prowl this group regularly, wishing that they could butt in with their tired-assed defenses of sexism and the degradation of women in the media, read your post and realize that this is what women put up with every day.

Matter of fact....Just to ensure that we get a few lurkers...


PORN!! :hi:
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chicaloca Donating Member (704 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-14-05 09:59 PM
Response to Reply #3
5. LOL!
Ccombs, can I name you my official DU hero?
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Hello_Kitty Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-14-05 10:08 PM
Response to Reply #5
7. Oh you're too kind!!
But I should behave myself :spank:
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Misunderestimator Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 11:04 AM
Response to Reply #3
12. LOL
:thumbsup:
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Logansquare Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 02:17 PM
Response to Reply #3
23. But, but, but--we're just APPRECIATING you ladies
Can't you bitches take a compliment? Jesus, what a bunch of dykes.

Thought I'd fill in, just in case a troll doesn't show.
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Misunderestimator Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 03:01 PM
Response to Reply #23
25. LOL
Uh... thanks? :rofl:
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Wetzelbill Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 04:16 PM
Response to Reply #23
33. hey now!
:)
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Name removed Donating Member (0 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-14-05 11:28 PM
Response to Original message
9. Deleted sub-thread
Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.
 
Misunderestimator Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 12:02 PM
Response to Reply #9
15. Oh I like this new thing... I've never seen a whole deleted sub-thread...
but good job on deleting this one... :thumbsup:
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Heddi Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 12:12 PM
Response to Reply #15
16. Wha happened?
Looks like I missed an, er, interesting exhange
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Misunderestimator Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 10:57 AM
Response to Original message
11. Just reading that makes me angry... and reminds me of many similar
experiences... Damn! What a fucking position to be put in by a bunch of ASSHOLE KIDS. What's the answer? If you react in any way, you put yourself in danger, being alone against a group of boys who are most likely bigger and stronger than you. In a private fucking neighborhood? Had this happened before? If it happens again you really should call the police, and you should get their license plate. There is NO excuse for that kind of behavior, and it IS criminally threatening. :mad:
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Heddi Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 11:58 AM
Response to Reply #11
14. No, this has never happened before
we live in a kind of rough neighborhood. It's working poor, blue-collar, alot of renters, single parents, gang activity to a certain degree. Everyone is generally pleasant, though--saying hi if they walk past you while you're gardening or whatever.

Never dealt with these kids before----this is the first house, and the first residential neighborhood we've ever lived in (since childhood, at least). We're usually city apartment dwellers...not dealing with kids too much.

Altho now that we live here, you can definitely tell when the last day of school was because the activity just got wratched up like 10,000 notches overnight!

The thing that really got me---and it really upset me--is there are alot of really little kids in this area. Young boys and girls that are outside playing all the time. I give their mom's and dad's credit that they (mom & dad) are always outside or on the porch when they'r eplaying, but no kid needs to hear that, or, God Forbid, be the target of that. Completely unnecessary.
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Hello_Kitty Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 12:16 PM
Response to Reply #14
17. Wonder if those kids are from your community at all
Or a more affluent one? Sounds like the kind of stuff preppy rich boys would say. I'm picturing bored little Bush and Rove Jrs. saying "let's drive into the poor side of town and yell shit!". I mean, I don't know but it would seem to me that kids who actually lived near you wouldn't be stupid enough to drive around in an identifiable vehicle, harrassing their neighbors. Then again, those boys sound pretty stupid so I could be totally off base.

When I was in high school (in a nice middle class Washington DC suburb) I remember that some of the guys would brag about driving down 14th St. at night and yelling at the prostitutes and the residents. Real big and brave, those guys.
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Heddi Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 01:35 PM
Response to Reply #17
20. I don't know if they were from a more affluent part of town
They were driving a beater car (old Lincoln Continental)--little gangster wannabe's. Probably the same assholes who painted my mailbox bright pink last year (did you know that Bright Pink--as in Barbie Pink--is now a Gang Colour? I had no idea! I guess now there's Crips, Bloods, and Hello Kitty gangs?)

I've never seen them around--I'm in the yard alot and pretty much the same cars come and go. I've never seen this car, or these thugs before. I suppose they're from the neighborhood, just not from my immediate surroundings.

feh. I'm partly over it. I thought last night that the next time I go gardening I'm going to wear a 2-peice thong with pasties on the boob part. You know, so that way they'll have something to look at for real next time they drive by. Altho I don't know how comfy it would be to sit, in a thong, in my garden. Ouch!!!
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Logansquare Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 02:19 PM
Response to Reply #20
24. Bring a pellet gun, too
Create an association between boobies and extreme pain.
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Lydia Leftcoast Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 04:37 PM
Response to Reply #17
34. Come to think of it...
when I was in grad school, I spent one summer living on the edge of New Haven in a middle-class neighborhood in a house that was available for rent because the owner had been forced to leave the state.

Living there meant a 3-mile bike ride to campus,including a stretch that ran through one of the ghetto neighborhoods.

Fellow students used to ask me if I was scared to ride through the African-American neighborhood, and frankly, I never got hassled there. All the catcalls I received that summer occurred in the white middle-class part of town. Go figure.
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Ripley Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 03:13 PM
Response to Original message
26. Since my other post was deleted as part of a subthread delete..
What the heck is THAT? I've never seen that anywhwere else on DU?

I wanted to respond to you Heddi. Your rant is one that most of us women can probably relate to. And it should be taken seriously, not written off as boys will be boys. First of all they aren't boys. Secondly, if high school young men are given a pass on that level of hostility towards women is condoned or even encouraged as "hormone silliness" then we have truly gone back to the dark ages.

I remember a similar incident in college. I was walking down the street minding my own business when I passed a gaggle of frat boys. I, too, was braless and wearing a skimpy top in the middle of a hot summer day. The first guy says "hey sweet thang" as he steps towards me. I walked really close to the curb and gave him a dirty look. Then another said "nice tits" to which I ignored and walked on by. Then a third guy screams "you fucking dyke, put a BRA ON!" I felt the hatred and hostility in the hot air on my back. I held my bookbag closer to me and prepared to run. Mind you this is broad daylight on the main Street of a huge University.

Then I heard the crash. Two of them knocked over a cement trash can on the sidewalk behind me. It broke. I desperately felt threatened, looked around and saw other people just shaking their heads. I ran about 2 blocks, then went inside a business where I knew the owner and almost called the cops. I waited until it was safe to walk home...didn't want them following me.

About a week later, my room mate was raped on the couch of our house on the first floor where she fell asleep, while I was sleeping upstairs.

This shit is real. This shit is no joke. And for all the posters here who believe boys will be boys...go fuck yourself.

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Misunderestimator Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 03:30 PM
Response to Reply #26
29. I couldn't agree more...
Go fuck yourselves anyone who says boys will be boys! I too have had similar experiences as yours... and it PISSES ME OFF!!

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Ripley Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 03:48 PM
Response to Reply #29
31. What the hell will it take?
Every woman in America to be raped or have her friend raped in order for these so-called "feminist posters" to see how desperate these situations are? For every innocent cat-call on the street there is, there are probably a hundred where women are attacked.

My roommate dropped out of college because of that rape and became one of the most messed up women I have ever seen. She blamed herself for dressing sexy and having a great bod. She blamed me and our other room mate for not having heard the rape. He broke into a window and held a pillow over her face the whole time so she couldn't scream. She actually passed out and thought she had suffocated to death.

I'm pissed off too.


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Lydia Leftcoast Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 04:43 PM
Response to Reply #26
35. I hope my post wasn't misunderstood
I was NOT saying "boys will be boys." I was just reassuring Heddi that it was nothing she did wrong, and that the pinheads who indulge in hit-and-run catcalls are "displaying" for one another.

I wish adult (real adult) men would create a culture of jumping all over any guy they see or hear verbally abusing or threatening women or others they see as vulnerable.

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Hello_Kitty Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 04:47 PM
Response to Reply #35
36. Nah, your post was fine
There was another one (deleted) that espoused the tired old cliche that what happened to Heddi should just be chalked up to youthful hijinks and hormones.
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Ripley Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 04:53 PM
Response to Reply #35
38. Oh, no, no, no!
I was not referring to you at all Lydia!

You must have missed the subthread that was deleted. I understand your POV...you did not diminish the situation the way the other person did.

This place is like a mine field and it really irks me.
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anitar1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-19-05 03:30 AM
Response to Reply #35
53. LydiaLeftCoast. will you tell me where the "real adult men"
are? I would like to see 1 or 2 of them. I am a very senior woman and look back over many years of offensive behavior by men. Even as a senior. I never"date" anyone.I tried it a few times. The old codgers are just as bad. One thing on their mind. Pay for your dinner by taking me home with you. Ugh. Men who have seemed the perfect gentleman have acted this way, once you accept their invitation to dinner. They become rather nasty when you tell the waiter to bring you a separate check.I will admit it was rather fun telling them just how obnoxious they are. What is with these dimwitted old farts? Were they yelling out car windows when they were young? I would bet on it. Women should run this world. It would be a much better place. I divorced one after a long marriage, and have never looked back. Have had some very happy years since.Just my 2 cents.
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progmom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 03:18 PM
Response to Original message
27. happened to a friend of mine when she was out jogging in our neighborhood
a gang of pre-teens on bicycles started trailing her, hooting and whistling and making lewd comments. she actually tracked the kids down later that day and told their parents.

that kind of shit is unacceptable.
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Heddi Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 03:27 PM
Response to Reply #27
28. I thought about this earlier
We have an earwig problem with regards to our corn and sunflowers--little shits are everywhere. So we've got cups of beer all throughout the garden to trap them & drown them. Very disgusting mixture of dead bugs and stale beer. Think I shall keep said beer in a bucket (when I empty it every few days to refresh) and the next time these kids get an idea like they did yesterday, they'll get a hefty mouthfull of rancid earwig beer.

Hey---I was just throwing it into the sewer outlet on the street...I can't help that a large portion of it hit them at the same time that they were giving me lip. Sorry :(
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Misunderestimator Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-15-05 03:31 PM
Response to Reply #28
30. LOL!
That would be satisfying... but in reality... just be careful. Write down the license plate and call the police. Ok, I'm done being serious now. :)
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cedahlia Donating Member (883 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-18-05 04:02 PM
Response to Original message
49. Ugh!
This brings back many a painful memory for me of being sexually harassed while walking home from school as a kid. I remember one particular rat-faced teenage shitbag yelling out the window of a car that "____ ____ is a WHORE!!! Ha ha ha!!!" This was when I was about 12 years old. Never mind the fact that I had never even so much as kissed a boy at that point, let alone did anything sexual for money. :eyes: And then there was later on in high school when cohorts of Rat-Face would yell and laugh about my "big tits" whenever I passed by them in the hall.

I never did blame myself when I was harrassed, but I did feel humiliated nonetheless. But these disgusting displays of women-hating are most certainly NOT EVER OUR FAULT. We have to remember that this is about some mysogynistic, scared little cowards who have severe issues; it's not about what any of us have done "wrong". THEY are the ones who are absolutely wrong and vile. And I absolutely believe that these kinds of men are dangerous, and I often wonder how many women the fucks who harassed me have raped and/or abused.

Aaaaah! Just thinking about this shit makes me so :mad: :mad: :mad: ! Especially infuriating is the fact this shit happens ALL THE TIME to women! What a wonderful world we live in, huh?
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undergroundpanther Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-22-05 02:56 AM
Response to Reply #49
55. I hate the tit shit.
I got these udder things too big too fast, too early.
Little pieces of shit used to not only comment but tape up the most humiliating DRAWINGS of them up in the hallway, with my name etc on it..in 6th grade.Everyday. I was the most inhibited person sexually because my body was growing more wrong and I felt like it was betraying me and I knew I was forced to be female...These bastards would tape the boob/sex pictures on my desk, they were pornographic and at lunch they'd wave them in my face,tape them to my back or books.I swear every fucking boy who is that way should be forced to take testosterone blockers.Or be castrated.Maybe things would change quicker if we took the"weapons" between their legs away..violently...I wonder this sometimes.
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Nikia Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-22-05 05:02 PM
Response to Original message
56. I have been harassed by strangers in this way too
When I ran, I was harassed this way. When I ran in high school and college, it was usually if I ran with just a sports bra as a top or a tank top. This annoyed me enough to usually wear baggy tee shirts even if it was hot if we were going to be running through town.
When I was running at my heaviest and a 40D, I seemed to be harassed about my breasts no matter what I wore.
Although these incidents bothered me, I was not outright scared like I was in another incident.
One summer, I stayed on campus, which is close to downtown. One evening, I walked down there around 8 pm or so to pick up some food. I didn't think that I was wearing anything too revealing, but it was over 80 degrees. During both the walk there and back, several car loads of young men were honking and yelling rude sexual harassing comments at me. That situation was outright threatening to me. I don't know if a bunch of guys coordinated this or that it was just young men's idea of a good time around there. After that, I didn't walk downtown by myself after 5 or 6, when business type people were around, for the rest of the summer. Strangely, during the school year I never had any problems.
Yes, sometimes I would voluntarily like to wear very conservative clothing, but then I would probably be harassed for that too.
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