The topic I want to discuss is ... what feminism really means to me.

[Maat]

There was a thread on DU not too long ago that implied that if a women retired from her full-time career, and stayed home to go back to school, for example, that it was wrong, for she was taking up a spot at a university. I can't find the thread.

DUers, I'm a 47-year-old retired (unofficially - I technically resigned) social worker, who retired to go back to law school.

Yes, I took up a spot in a law school during those four years (Summer 2000 through May 2004). I'm now working on passing the bar examination.

I consider myself a genuine honest-to-Spirit feminist. I graduated from high school in 1976, and fought for equal opportunity for women in 1974, 1975, 1976 and onward.

I NEVER thought that, in order to be a "real" feminist, you had to work full-time. I also NEVER thought that, on order to be part of an egalitarian relationship, a feminist and her partner/spouse had to BOTH full-time. I became a feminist believing that we wanted to use our imaginations, and encourage a couple, particularly one raising children, to consider many options, and consider what was best for them and the family.

My in-laws now like to think of me as a conservative Christian stay-at-home mom. Nothing could be further from the truth. First of all, I'm not a Christian, and I'm progressive, not conservative. Second of all, I'm very busy not only being involved in fun and educational activities with my kid (9-year-old daughter) and husband, but also being involved as an activist in many causes such as PFLAG and Democracy for America. I'm helping with a Congressional campaign. I happen to be a Religious Scientist ( www.rsintl.org ), a very progressively-oriented, modernly-focused faith, along with a UU church.

Anyway, to end the rant, if a man retired from a full-time job, because he had been successful and wanted to go back for more education, he would not be considered a "stay-at-home," with the implication to some of being inferior; I do not want to be considered in such a simple manner either.

Thanks for letting me get this off of my chest; hope it makes sense.

:rant:

[Warpy]

1. Hey, relax, sometimes it's THEM, not you!

Feminism was always about choices, opening them up to women instead of sex typing women as teachers, nurses, secretaries, and housewives and restricting them from all other walks of life. It was never about ideological purity or an ideal lifestyle.

The problem is that the rug got pulled out from under us, and I'm from that generation that found out "having it all" meant DOING it all, thanks to a steep decline in male wages that made it imperative for us to work outside the home whether we wanted to or not and progressive women found themselves stuck with 50s men who felt entitled to a full time unpaid domestic servant. The stay at home mom movement among successful women is a backlash against what we experienced.

So just consider the source when people make ignorant pronouncements about who you are, and use stereotypes instead of opening their eyes and ears. Remember, such people are really telling you about themselves, not you. You are who you are, you're not going to change to suit anybody, and they can all just lump it.

[Maat]

2. Well-said - for it is true that feminism has always been about choices.

As my pastor said recently, "Well, just talking to you I know what you're about, and how much of an activist you are."

I've been privileged to have been the mate/partner of Mr. Maat for for 29 years now, 22 of them married. He has supported me and backed me in the best way possible.

We divide up the load equally - well almost equally - he cooks, cleans and works full-time-plus out of our house. We just decide what needs to be done, and come to an agreement about how it is going to get done. Although many struggle, I think that we have to acknowledge that many couples have worked things out successfully. That represents progress in our society.

And you're right. I need to continue defining myself, and not taking to heart what others say. And, yes, when certain relatives spout off, I learn about them (this Master's in Psychology knows that your words ring true).

Thanks for the post!

[Hello_Kitty]

3. Hell, we're wrong no matter what we do

To somebody so try not to worry about it. I think you are making excellent use of your education and experience. You are raising what I'm sure is a great kid and are contributing to your community in a meaningful way. Most people in the corporate rat race don't hold a candle to you. I work for a Fortune 500 company that makes this Really Important Product. To be honest, I spend 80% of my time at work surfing the web. Which goes with the territory. I don't feel guilty about it because that means that things in my department are going well. Quite frankly, most careers are pretty superfluous, especially the higher up in management you are. So if you took someone's place in a university, so what? There are plenty of universities in this country with plenty of spaces for plenty of students to become cogs in plenty of wheels.

If you're happy and productive, then you're doing the right thing. And if you believe in the radical notion that women are people, then you are a feminist. No matter how many hours you put in, or don't put in, at the office. I hope that made sense to you. ;)

[Maat]

7. Sorry, I'm late. Thanks for the reply!

:hug:

[ismnotwasm]

4. You make a lot of sense

Because feminism, as has been pointed out is about choices. I don't know about this "real" feminist stuff. I'm happy when I woman chooses to identify herself as such, because the word has been so demonized and twisted that women aren't coming forward and using the word. Perhaps in some cases it's just that people want to avoid labels, but a lot of it is misunderstanding of what feminism is all about.
I saw a thread somewhere where bra-burning was brought up-- BRA burning! (shit wear one or don't) Or I see feminist issues being framed as "man-bashing" There is still the myth of the "ugly woman who can't get a man" woman who uses the term, and of course the ever present "Lesbian" or "Dyke" when a women identifies herself as a feminist. Those general images are what are so difficult to fight against.
And then someone like yourself, who sounds like you've paid your dues and made your decisions (And therefore is a proper feminist to quote OldLeftyLawyer) has to fight against the sterotype of stay-at-home mom-- even to go back to school-- as a type of compliance, kind of a anti-feminist image
That's bullshit.
And I don't even understand the "taking up a spot at the University" stuff--You get kudos from me. Social work is hard as hell, and law seems almost a natural progression from social work. Good for you. I bet you make a hell of a lawyer.

[OldLeftieLawyer]

5. Here - this will take care of any doubts you ever had:

One of the things I've always loved - LOVED - about Phyllis Schlafly is that, while she was doing her "The Power Of The Positive Woman" book tour, all about how good Christian women must be subservient to their husbands (or any wino they might have picked up somewhere and were shacking up with - OK, I made up that last part), and that women were defined by their homes, their children, their housekeeping abilities, all the things that drove June Cleaver to that really bad crack habit, that very same year that Mrs. Schlafly published that book - SHE GRADUATED FROM LAW SCHOOL!

There.

Feel better?

Don't be nuts - you are who you are, and if someone has some sort of challenge to issue to you, take them for what they are: losers trying to bait you.

Phyllis has a gay son she won't talk about, either, while she's doing her anti-homosexual rant. See why Phyllis is my Total Womanhood Heroine?

Hey, Maat, you did good, you're gonna do great things, and you're going to have fun while you're doing them, and then, when you've got some more years and miles on you, you'll be just another OldLeftieLawyer tellling a YoungLeftieLawyer to blow them off.

They're beneath you, and you hardly need to explain your choices to anyone. For me, that's the core of feminism.

Now, get out your spike heels, strip down, wrap yourself in Saran Wrap, and show your husband what feminism is REALLY about.

heh heh heh

[Maat]

8. HeeHee.

You crack me up! Will do!

:rofl:

[Sparkly]

6. What people who oppose feminism miss is: It's about CHOICE

It is, and always was, about opportunities, free choice and free will.

Women should have a CHOICE to have children, or not; to stay home with them, or not; to have a career of one kind or another, or not... I think the only thing that makes the equation unequal is our capacity to bear children and nurture them, and what that can create in terms of economic weakness in our culture (not even physical weakness so much).

So to your situation and any others, I say GO for it!!! Think of all the women who went before us, who could only dream of such choices. You earned it and then some. No doubt you have a great contribution to make, and you will make it! Let go of anybody else's judgments. Find a way to laugh at them. Write a journal about it; include cartoons if you're graphically inclined... But above all, try never, ever to apologize.

[Maat]

9. Thanks for the reply!

I agree.

That's the point; it IS about CHOICE!