Hi there. My name is KamaAina, and I'm, um, somewhere on the spectrum.

[KamaAina]

The finest minds in the field have been tied up in knots for years with the question, "Does he have autism or Asperger's?" (Picture a bunch of clinicians in a "Less filling! Tastes great!" beer ad.)

But be that as it may, I know there are quite a few of us out there. What are your coping strategies for dealing with the "neurotypicals"? (i.e. everyone else)

[Deja Q]

1. I'm HypnoToad and I am in the same spectrum too.

High IQ, low EQ, a walking encyclopedia but I envy neurotypals for their functionality.

How do I cope? Dunno. I just do. (lemme think about that; I will get back to you...)

[Kajsa]

13. Hi HypnoToad!

It's so good to have this new group!

:hi:

[Aspy in Bend]

25. short and to the point

I agree with your short description referring to the high IQ and low EQ. I find that quite a few neurotypicals (NT)feel intimidated by me; not because I bully people, but because they feel I know everything. Of course I do not know everything, just a lot ;) I find that I devour information; I seem to have this never ending need to learn things. This probably goes along with your feeling of being a walking encyclopedia.

Yet, sitting on the sidelines, at times I yearn to be a NT when observing how easy it seems for them to float through life and having these seemingly effortless social contacts. I'm not saying that they perceive life to be easy, it just 'looks' easy from my perspective.

[bloom]

27. "high IQ and low EQ"

I know that that is an obvious sort of flag. And I know several people who would fit that description.

It seems that I've read that Asperger's can include people with any sort of IQ - and I wonder if people who are not as extreme don't often just end up undiagnosed.

[sam sarrha]

45. i have an IQ of 164 and read at a 6th grade level, aspi score 165, 4%% clerical, 97%% abstract and

spacial relationships... cant do fractions but take notes in algebra, describe things in geometry terms...

img]http://www.rdos.net/eng/quizpoly.php?p1=79&p2=22&p3=84&p4=86&p5=18&p6=18&p7=73&p8=24&p9=84

[BlueStorm]

2. I am BlueStorm

and I am diagnosed with Asperger's.

My coping skills are varied, but mostly I am both extroverted and introverted. I know that sounds weird and I can't explain it.

I can't stand to be around a lot of people. crowds and such. I can't stand loud noise either.

When I am at public place such as the library I tend to turn my hearing aids off so that I can be in my own world.

[dae]

3. You seem a lot like my 10 year old grandson. He exhibits

all of the traits you describe above and was diagnosed with Asperger's at 6.
He is actually the funniest of all my grandchildren and extremely intelligent. If he's telling jokes or acting up to make you laugh, and you do, then fine. But, if he thinks you are laughing at him, Holy Jamoley, he can throw a fit.

[blitzen]

5. sounds an awful lot like my 9-yr old Aspie son...

very funny with an amazing vocabulary...and pretty much an expert on geography and world history

[KamaAina]

12. I see from your profile that you are in La.

former N.O. resident here (the only place I've ever been where being on the spectrum did NOT make me the most unusual person around!) wondering if there might be some La. or Miss. Aspies and/or auties who have some "out of the box" ideas regarding rebuilding.

[Aspy in Bend]

26. the little professor

Have you wondered if your grandson at times sounds like a little professor? At least that's what my family thought when I was growing up. Of course in the 60's and 70's there was no such diagnosis like Asperger Syndrome (AS)so I grew up withough any special treatment, just with the knowledge that I was a 'little different' but in a 'good way' :p

Several years ago, I self diagnosed after seeing a documentary where the nobel laureate for Economics, and his wife, were describing their life together, and it sounded as if he was talking about me. Apparently he has AS. After all the years of trying counseling and not having a solution, at least now I know what my eccentric behavior and 'oddball' remarks are all about. At this time I'm seeing a psychologist who specializes in AS, and he's been able to help me further develop my EQ (Emotional Quotient) and understand why my brain perceives the way it does.

The knowledge of understanding that Asperger Syndrome is part of my life has helped me immensely. It has allowed me to temper some of the 'negative' aspects, while allowing me to take full advantage of the many 'positives' AS has to offer.

[mcg]

18. I've wondered if I have a bit of Asperger's

but I've never been diagnosed with it.

"I am both extroverted and introverted"

I can relate to that.

My mother says that I hardly spoke until I was around 4. I never had what I would call a real conversation with anyone until I was an adult.

I eventually found out that I have a very high IQ, I was a late bloomer. Reading 'Flowers for Algernon' effected my greatly. Mathematics unleashed my intelligence.

I can focus on doing one thing very well, for example I got into drawing for awhile and lost myself when I drew, then stopped drawing, I go from one obsession to another. I get into repetitive routines.

I've had a very hard time making and keeping friends all my life. I wouldn't say that I can't stand to be in crowds, but I don't fare nearly as well as others in a party where everyone's talking, it's hard for me to hear what people are saying. I can tolerate loud noise but not very loud, for example I went to a Salsa club, the live band was extremely loud, my ears rung afterwards, I haven't been back. Some people love music extremely loud, I don't fully understand why.

On the other hand I'm not physically awkward.

[Aspy in Bend]

29. Extroverted in small doses

I find myself being able to be in social situations, where I at least know a few people, and when I don't have to be there for too long. Too much interaction and I become overloaded.

Just wondering: have you ever come home after a social function and your facial muscles hurt from having to keep that smile on your face? After a friend of mine, who also has AS, shared that information about her own experience; it totally made sense for me. Since people with AS ( this is a generalization not intended to say all AS do so) lack in emotional recognition, and have less facial expression, I find it easier to hold somewhat of a smile on my face, as I'm not always clear on what facial expression is appropriate with each conversation. But maintaining a 'safety smile' for extended periods of time, certainly works out the facial muscle more than they are used to, hence the facial discomfort when coming back home, when you can finally lose the 'safety smile'. Neurotypicals may not understand this, but I'm sure that several AS people will chuckle at this insight. :)

I grew up thinking I was a 'dumb' kid in school, but that was merely a reflection of teaching style and not my intellect. It wasn't until I was in my 20's that I found out I actually have a rather high IQ and ended up going to college and being the proverbial 'curve buster'

When you find yourself getting lost in certain activities for a period of time and then for some unexplained reason, you find yourself getting lost in another activity that captivates you for a prolonged period of time, you're merely following what feels good for you at that time. I have found for myself that I have a hard time finishing a particular task, to the dismay of my wonderful wife. It's called a 'special interest': I can 'get lost' in a certain activity for hours or days, but when I 'feel' that it's enough, I need to do something different. I may 'feel' the need/desire to work in the yard, and I'll proceed to do so. I will be in the yard for the rest of the day, or sometimes just for less than an hour. It all depends on when I 'feel' it's enough; it has nothing to do with the task being done. Once I'm done, I'll 'feel' the need to do something else, and the process starts over, be it working on my postage stamp collection, playing Civilization III, reading a book, browsing the internet, cleaning something, going for hike, watching a movie, going shopping, installing the laminate floors, putting the crown molding up in the spare bedroom, finishing the custom cabinets we installed ourselves, etc.. you get the picture. Now my wife understand, that at some point I will 'feel' the need to work on a previous project and actually finish it. It just takes a little longer - or a lot longer if you ask my wife :) - to finalize a project.

I feel that I'm blessed not having the 'motor clumsiness' or physically awkwardness as you described it. Having said that, that's about the only symptom I do not have when it comes to Asperger Syndrome.

In regards to your hearing and having a hard time hearing what people say, especially when more than one person is talking at the same time, it could be 'auditory delay'. I deal with that myself as well. As I tell my children; if you're asking me something and I don't respond immediately, that doesn't mean that I didn't hear you, or that I don't care what you're saying, it just means that their words are going from my ear, to my little toe and back to my brain, so it just takes a little longer for me to respond. They understand that explanation, and at times they'll ask me if it has to go to both of my little toes, because it takes extra long to respond. :+

I hope some of this will help you as well.

[merwin]

43. I can completely understand what you're talking about with the 'safety smile'

I'll either have absolutely no expression on my face, or a "fake smile" that I hold when I'm in uncomfortable or unfamiliar situations. My cheeks hurt afterwards.

I haven't been diagnosed, but I score very highly on the aspie quizzes, and can relate to most of it.

I was having a conversation with my mom about it a while back, and she said she hadn't noticed... she told me that she thought I was very social because I would want to go to the local Boys and Girls Club to hang out often. She didn't get that I was there because they had a lab of Commodore 64's.

When I find myself in social situations (where the fake smile comes out most often), and feel completely out of place. My mind literally goes blank when I try to converse socially with someone. Social chit-chat makes me shut down. I've gotten very good at passing myself off socially, mostly by staying on the sidelines and imitating as best as I can.

I've been interested in computers since I was about 6 or 7. And when I say interested, I mean spending all of my time with them. Having a subscription to the magazine 3-2-1 Contact at the age of 8 so I could pick apart the insane 4 or 5 page BASIC program that was included. Working now as an at-home programmer/consultant is great for me since I can have most of my conversations with co-workers in a chat window or e-mail, and am able to spend lots of time at home (sometimes days on end) sharing time between work, my wife, and my son.

I'm also lucky to not have so much of the physical awkwardness, and have meds that get me through much of the anxiety that goes along with being around people. Loud noises don't bug me, and overstimulation just makes me close up (for lack of a better term), so I can pass myself off in most situations that I'm forced into.

As a final note, I just noticed that I had the smile on while I was writing this post (~15 minutes or so)... I often don't even notice that I'm doing it until i notice my face aching.

[Tikki]

4. Hi I am Tikki, and I am the care-taker and....

grandmother of a little guy (age 4 years old) who was diagnosed with ppd-nos and
started a Spec Ed preschool last March.

School started this fall with four boys (including my grandson) all identified as mild to moderate
on the spectrum. As each new student (all boys and now 7 of them) is added to the class my little guy gets
more off task and out of control in the classroom.

He was like the role-model for control when school started this fall.
I believe he will start feeling comfortable with new kids in the class.

Adjustment can be hard.

I sure love him.


Tikki

[Kajsa]

21. Hi Tikki,

I'm also the primary caretaker of my son, who's now 22.
( see my post below)

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=387&topic_id=2&mesg_id=21

My son did the same thing.
A substitute teacher would send him into a tailspin!

They do settle down as they get use to the new classmates.
It takes time.

I'm sure you've found patience within yourself
that you never knew you had. I sure did.

I know you love your little guy, it shows.
I feel the same way about my son.

:hi:

[thedeadchicken]

6. Hey

Likewise. It was eventually discovered (in my early 20's) after years of treatment for depression, social anxiety disorder, and a couple other things that were accidental to Asperger's.

You're right about a lot of us being out there: numbers of the autistic has been increasing over the last ten or so years not because it's an epidemic, but because, as I found out, people that had been diagnosed with anything from depression to schizoid personality "disorder" were really only having a symptom of their autism diagnosed.

Coping strategies? I think that they largely depend on the individual: what's always been a problem for me is verbal communication--especially with people I'm not familiar with (not so much that I'm nervous, I just have no idea how to and, really, no inclination to start and maintain a conversation with someone I'm unfamiliar with). To this end, IM and email have been quite helpful, since, for whatever reason, communicating via text is much more natural and comfortable for me. As far as the more socially awkward aspects of me--that is physical stuff like rocking, frequent clumsiness, and spontaneous vocalizations--I've managed to get a handle on and I can generally control these impulses until I get alone.

Anyhow, to keep myself from rambling on, I want to close by offering a correction to the post announcing this forum (a forum that, honestly, caused me to both register and donate): namely, I don't consider Asperger's a "disorder" that I "suffer" from per se--that is, I don't feel that I'm suffering anymore than an NT. First, by the fact that we can actually communicate, we are so much luckier than many autistic people; second, Asperger's is part of what makes me who I am and I personally get offended when someone else refers to me "suffering" or when someone says they are fighting to "cure" me. I neither want cure nor feel like there's anything that needs to be. If we look at our lives closely, we'll see that despite the obvious and marked disadvantages, there are many less apparent advantages--less apparent because those who make the most noise in the autistic community are the caretakers of severely low-functioning autistic people. That, more than anything, is what is needed: voices that say, "Don't pity us--we get to see the world in a way that you don't understand." And that, while sometimes a burden, can also be a beautiful thing.

'Course, I could also be full of crap too--feel free to disagree with me if you like.

[AnotherMother4Peace]

14. Welcome tdp & thank you for your insight

Here is an interesting article in the NYT - "How About Not 'Curing' Us, Some Autistics Are Pleading"

<http://www.nytimes.com/2004/12/20/health/20autism.html?ex=1261285200&en=131813d47008d1ae&ei=5088&partner=rssnyt>

My adult son demonstrates the classic "Peaks & Valleys" of Asbergers - very high IQ, the ability to singularly focus, but social skills & EQ are definitely valleys. This made for some very difficult and heartbreaking times as he was growing up.

[KamaAina]

16. A DU classic: Massive LBN discussion of that selfsame Times article

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=102&topic_id=1085596&mesg_id=1085596

since it was LBN, lots of NT (neurotypical, i.e., not on the spectrum) DUers had their say. Interesting reading, to say the least.

[KamaAina]

17. Non-registration link to article text here

http://www.co-brass.com/articles_how_about_not_curing_us.htm

from an Oregon ASD support group.

I cordially despise Website registration :argh: and will search for several minutes if necessary to find a link that bypasses it.

[AnotherMother4Peace]

19. Wow, some good info - just what I was looking for - Thanks

[Aspy in Bend]

30. amen to that

I completely agree with your assessment of not 'suffering' or being a 'disease'

I don't feel that I have a disability; merely a different ability. (I like this saying, I believe it was Dr. Tony Atwood who coined this phrase, but I'm not sure)

I thoroughly enjoy living in my own world, and observing what's going on. Sometimes it's frustrating when trying to explain it, when you know that most NT's have absolutely no clue what's going on or how we see the world.

Do you find that it is extremely important to you to be 'understood'? I"m not talking about someone answering you by saying that they 'understand' but actually being understood completely.

[Autonomy]

7. I am diagnosed ADHD, Inattentive Type

I have several traits of Asberger's, but without the Asberger's inability to read nonverbal cues. I was not diagnosed until I was an adult.

I learned to cope mostly by developing preferences and hobbies that I can do alone. I socialize, but in small doses. I learned to realize that there is nothing wrong with that, and stopped trying to "fix" myself. As soon as I could do that, I became actually *happy*. My teens and 20's were hellish, though, and not in the typical "teen angst" way.

[shrike]

22. Hello, autonomy

I am also ADHD, inattentive type.

Was diagnosed over a year ago, after my niece's diagnosis. My youth was, as you say it, hellish. It wasn't until I became an adult and had some control over my situation that I began to take pleasure in life. btw, I can also relate to the troubles of Asperger's, particularly in terms of trying to read social cues.

I have some mixed feelings about the "this is not a disorder" movement. While I can understand the need for self-acceptance, no one can expect the world to conform completely to them, and their needs. Which is what some of these activists seem to be saying, at least to me.

Seems to me you've worked out a good strategy for you. We all have to do that eventually. I take Concerta and it seems to help me out in social situations, but I have always preferred my own company and probably always will.

I don't know if you are male or female, but one thing I've found, being a woman, is that ADD females aren't good at a lot of the things women are "supposed" to be good at; like relationships, multi-tasking and the like.

[Aspy in Bend]

31. the wondering soul

I went through a similar awakening. Looking back at my childhood, teen years, and adolescence, they could probably be described as 'hellish' as you put it, but I try not to dwell on it. I prefer to see it that I was a 'wandering soul' searching for what my purpose in life was. I just ended up bouncing against a lot of things and unable to maintain relationships for extended periods of time.

Once I found out that I am AS (Asperger Syndrome)and learned more about it, I figured that I'm happy about it. There are actually far more positives than negatives related to the syndrome. The negatives usually can be kept under control, unless my patience is being challenged, and if I'm not able to graciously - or awkwardly for that matter - leave the situation,for whatever reason then people might actually witness something they hadn't seen in me before. I will verbally lash out at someone who I feel is 'offending my personal values' I'm not proud of that, hence my effort to extract myself from these situations before I 'feel the need' to put someone in their place.

[NC_Nurse]

8. My son is an Aspie.

He's the coolest! :-)

He just started college this year - I am hoping he is passing this, his first, semester. He tends to think he's doing fine (that's what he always says when I ask), but often is unaware that he has missed some assignments. That was how it went in high school, so I'm a little nervous. I have tried to let it go and see what happens. He always knows the material, it's the organization that's lacking.

He has a great sense of humor and is a lot of fun, although sometimes he doesn't know when he's being obnoxious - something he's gotten better about over the years. His sisters are always willing to tell him when he's getting on their nerves, which I suppose has helped him figure out some limits. It took him many years to figure out the friendship thing, now he has several friends and a girlfriend too.

[thedeadchicken]

9. Congratulations!

I'm sure your son will do fine: actually having a syllabus for a class was a big help for me after the laissez-faire methodology used in high-school. That, at least for me, always helped keep me aware of what HAD to be done--budgeting my time however...well, I have a feeling that your son might tend like me and be writing most of his papers the night before, but, still, as long as it gets done...

:-p

[NC_Nurse]

10. Exactly!

Whatever works for him. :-)
I hope the syllabus works for him like it did for you. I hadn't thought of that, but it makes sense.
He's always tested WAY higher than his grades reflect - mainly because of this problem.

[Aspy in Bend]

32. procrastination

Isn't that GREAT - to procrastinate until the very last moment, and being able to pull it off. It leaves that warm feeling inside after the fact of course... Anxiety comes first, with the warm feeling as desert.

For some reason I haven't been able to break that habit.

[Kajsa]

11. Hi, I'm Kajsa and my son ( age 22) has autism and ADHD.

He's been in Special Ed. classes since he was 2 years old.
He falls between the cracks, too.
Half of the psychologists he's seen say it's mild MR.
The other half say borderline autism.
He is high functioning, attending a few classes at our local community college.

I'm a single parent who has raised him on my own
since he was 2.

I am so glad we have this group.
Sometimes, I feel very alone, even though I'm surrounded
by nice, caring people.

i.e. It's different when you or someone you love has a PDD.

I'm glad to be here.

[idgiehkt]

15. dealing with neurotypicals

It seems strange to separate myself out from the rest of the world. I still don't want to believe I am different but I have the last two decades of my adult life as an example. I think the best way to deal with them for me is to try really hard to accept my differences. It's weird because a blind person doesn't have to constantly remind themselves that they are blind, or the same with a deaf person, but in dealing with people I am trying to constantly remind myself there are always lots of things going on that I am not picking up on. I am horrible at dealing with social situations, such as political manueverings in any group of people. I am always outsmarted and outplayed, just because I am so limited whereas other folks aren't. I can't count how many times I've been absolutely stunned to find out about the machinations going on behind the scenes that apparently everyone else had some indication of. I have a certain amount of intelligence in a very limited area, and that's it. Because of that, I allow myself to think I'm smarter than I really am in alot of situations, and I find out the hard way how dumb I really was, but only when it's too late. It's been a very humbling experience to have to swallow this truth. When I was working in daycare I had a kid in there with aspie traits and it just broke my heart to watch him trying and failing to interact with these other kids and get them to play the games he wanted, which had to do with his boundless fantasy world, when they were just on different frequencies than he was; watching them bond to each other and watching him left out. I just would cringe because I know he has a very hard road ahead of him.

One NT I can't cope with is my sister. She's masterful at keeping a very sweet and loving facade while manuevering and manipulating people behind the scenes like something out of "Dangerous Liasions". I am really trying to figure out how I am supposed to deal with it because much of her focus seems to be on keeping my parents from having a positive opinion of me. I guess it's good I finally know that she has me out-classed so to speak, and I should just turn it over to the universe...maybe that is the answer. But that is one relationship in particular that I am very troubled by.

[Kajsa]

20. I'm sorry to hear your sister is that way towards you.

It just compounds the difficulties your dealing with
in the first place.

Thanks for sharing your story.
Your insight is very keen.

You are not dumb,far from it!
In fact, I've found through raising my son,
that he perceives and understands some things
more clearly than I do.

:hi:

[Aspy in Bend]

37. perception and understanding

I agree, people have commented on my well developed observation skills, which ties in with your perceiving. Unfortunately, in my brain I have this crystal clear picture of what is perceived and I totally understand that particular subject, but then trying to verbalize it.... The thought of having to verbalize something, and the fear of not being understood, sometimes it is not worth the effort. That's a double edged sword, by not saying anything, you appear not to care, even though you do care about it. It's this weighing of the pros and cons: is the effort needed to say something and explain it until you're understood worth it? or is it easier to live with if NT's assume you don't care? Depending on 'who' the NT's are, usually the latter is the most common choice.

[Aspy in Bend]

33. pre-programmed

What has helped me in dealing with NT's is the understanding that if we were to compare ourselves to computers, then most NT's come pre-programmed with emotional knowledge, whereas AS's come with a black disk in that department. That explains why it takes so many more years for AS people to emotionally mature. Heck, I don't think I was emotionally mature until my early 30's, and even today at times I find myself 'learning' a new thing about emotions.

My children are teenagers now, and that sure has been enlightening. Seeing the girls going through their first crush on a boy, and how they deal with their on/off friendships, depending on what was said from one day or another, it just boggles my mind. I'm lucky to have my wife, whom I can double check with, because I can guarantee you that I did not experience ANY of the things they're going through. At their ages, I was oblivious to girl-boy interactions, I didn't even have my first girlfriend until I was 20. I never had any slumber parties, or friends sleeping over, and now I get to experience this 'weird in my opinion' behavior and how this is so exciting to them. Too much noise for me, but they seem to enjoy it and that is what counts for me. Sure my parents where very happy about that aspect, but that didn't take away that growing up like that left me looking like the oddball.

[Pirate Smile]

23. Hi, my almost 8 year old son has been diagnosed as PPD-NOS .

He is a wonderfully sweet child.

Food is one of our biggest issues. Potty training was another one but we got that dealt with before Kindergarten.

He goes to a Catholic School - 2nd grade and the only additional help he officially gets is speech although he has his quirks that need some additional help. The kids have been kind and helpful. I worry about when that will stop and he will start getting made fun of at school.

I'm home today with the flu so I'm not really up for more then a quick description. I'm so glad this forum was started.

[lumberjack_jeff]

24. PDD-NOS is a difficult diagnosis.

I have been told that therapies and supports are available for Aspergers and Autism that are less available for those with PDD-NOS.

I heard a psychologist describe it as the clinical diagnostic term for; "I dunno."

[Pirate Smile]

35. True. I think he may eventually be diagnosed with Aspergers.

Time will tell.

[Aspy in Bend]

34. food issues

From personal experience I can tell you that their is light at the end of the tunnel. Just be aware that at this time in his life, he probably has a problem with 'textures' of the food.

I was terrible with that. I would become physically ill with certain foods: onions, several varieties of cheese, leeks, white sauces, veggies had to be cooked until they were overdone, etc... too numerous to list all of them.... but now, my wife thinks I'm a garbage disposal because there isn't a thing that I won't at least try. It's more like I'll be able to eat something, although I might prefer not to have it, but I no longer become physically ill by the mere sight of it, or the thought of having to eat something.

Anecdote: At age 11, in Catholic boarding school, I had to eat spaghetti with Parmesan cheese, and I became violently ill for 2 days.(probably food poisoning) I blamed the Parmesan cheese for it, and it took at least 2 more decades before I even considered trying Parmesan cheese. I eat it now in moderation.

[Pirate Smile]

36. Thanks for that. I try not to make a big deal about it anymore.

The bad thing is that his little sister has picked up on his eating habits - she is actually even worse and she is NOT on the spectrum at all.

Oh, well. My oldest will try anything which means my son doesn't like to be near her during meals because just looking at certain foods makes him nauseous.

[goddess40]

39. Both of my son's are NLD/Aspergers

and both have food issues. The youngest is the worst - and it is absolutely the texture issue, although he can't stand to watch anyone eat either. He doesn't eat lunch at school because it is to loud, chaotic and kids have gross eating habits. If you can't stand to sit with your family and eat can you imagine a roomful of open mouthed chewers and talkers.

[merwin]

44. I have to leave the room when someone is eating something that crunches,

such as chips, or makes noise while eating. Especially if I haven't taken my anxiety meds for the day... I still don't think my wife actually believes that it's not anything personal :)

[PA Democrat]

38. My daughter is 15, originally diagnosed with full-blown autism.

She has made so much progress that she now looks more like someone with Aspergers (although she does not meet the diagnostic criteria because of her significant language delays when she was young). She has attended regular public schools since kindergarten and is included the majority of the day in regular ed classes.

My experience with her classmates has been the greatest source of comfort. The kids who have known her since kindergarten are more accepting and kind than many of the adults we encounter. It seems that everywhere we go in the community, kids come up to us to talk to my daughter. I think that inclusion offers our kids' neurotypical peers the opportunity to learn about the kindness within themselves and the opportunity to realize that it's OK to be different. It also helps to acknowledge these kids' kindness. I have personally called the parents of the kids who have made an extra effort with my daughter to tell them what a great kid they are raising, and have asked teachers to also provide positive feedback to these kids.

There have been a number of kids who have gone out of their way to befriend my daughter. They have asked how they can help her, and volunteer to work on social skills and conversation with her. They have been my daughter's best teachers because it's pretty much impossible how to teach your kid how to fit in socially.

One technique that works for us is doing a "social autopsy" when she has a situation that goes badly. When she is calm, we talk about what she did, and how it impacts other people. Then we discuss how she can better handle the same type of situation in the future, and we practice through role play.


Best wishes to you and your son.

[bloom]

28. "coping strategies"

I don't know if it's coping or not - but I think that there are places where one is more likely to find either people with Asperger's or at least people who are less likely to try to fit some kind of strict idea of "normal".

DU is one of those places. University towns are more likely to attract those sorts. Denominations such as Quakers and Unitarian Universalists (in University town, esp.) are other places. That sort of thing.


One thing I've noticed, however - is if you have a couple people with Asperger's at a social gathering - they may both not be socializing and so even if they might tend to find commonalities - they may not - because nobody starts the conversation.

[Odin2005]

40. I was diagnosed with Aspergers in 2001 at the age of 15

Social interaction is a daily struggle for me, I embarrass myself with social screw ups constantly, the monotone way I speak sometimes doesn't help.

[hedgehog]

41. I suspect that there is one end of the spectrum that really isn't

recognized yet because these people have a high enough IQ and sufficient observational skills to pass as NT. In fact, I think because they are so dependent on close observation that they may be more sensitive to what other people are feeling than most NTs. Compare it to the heightened listening skills of some blind people. This works until the Aspie is confronted with new behavior and has to figure out what is going on. I think this makes Aspies very vulnerable in schools or work places that are organized around cliques.

I would put myself in this category and 4 of my 6 kids. (Or maybe the 2 I think are NT just function better than the rest!)Here's the really fun part: they had a big New Year's Eve Party last year and I think most of their friends are in this category. The party broke up into little fluid groups engaged in video games or conversation and I think just about everyone took periodic time-outs from the rest. I'd see a kid off by himself or herself decompressing for a while before rejoining the rest.

[lightningandsnow]

42. True!

I apparently give off "weird vibes",and people have told me that I am very awkward (Someone told me I needed to smoke weed to "loosen up") but it's not like people can really just look at me and say "She's autistic", like you can with some people, I guess.

I'm extremely talkative, which I suppose doesn't mesh with the "introvert" stereotype - although I do think I am actually more of an introvert. A talkative introvert? Is there such a thing?

[pnwmom]

46. Needing periodic "time-outs" is a function of being introverted,

not necessarily being on the spectrum. Introverts are drained of energy by other people, extraverts gain energy from being around others.

[MedleyMisty]

47. I've often wondered if I am somewhere on the spectrum

I realize that online tests are pretty flimsy, but hey. I usually score right on the border of Asperger's. But a lot of the questions seem to be just asking if you're introverted, which has made me question if high functioning Asperger's is really just people pathologizing introvertedness.

Also, while introverts are a quarter of the whole population, they're three-fourths of the intellectually gifted population.

And I'm seeing a lot of that on this thread - smart introverts. And if you're further along the IQ bell curve than most of the people around you, you're going to have social difficulty because your interests and ways of perceiving and thinking are so different from that of your peers - most of the gifted research literature I've read stated that gifted kids usually function quite normally socially in a group of intellectual peers. Thus why grade advancement can be a good thing.

I'm pondering the possibility that the most functional end of the spectrum may be mentally able and healthy intelligent introverts who don't fit in with average extroverts and are pathologized for it.

I can just see this offending someone and I really really hope it doesn't - believe me, I am only talking about the highest end of the high functional end of the spectrum and I do believe that it is a real condition and a real problem and I realize that people with autism or on the low functioning end of Asperger's have very real and severe problems and that their lives and the lives of their caretakers can be quite difficult and I am not minimizing that in any way. Like I said, I'm only talking about people at the high functioning end.

[TrogL]

48. I did the grade advancement thing

They had a "do three years' work in two" that put me a year or more ahead of many of the students. This was also in the time before "social advancement". What it meant was that I was routinely getting beaten up in class by people four years older than me and twice my size who resented the fact that I breathed.

[LuckyLib]

49. Actually not. The high end functional end of spectrum is most characterized by

an inability to "read" a number of non-verbal social cues -- facial expressions, subtle nuances in language, sarcasm, and most importantly, intent. AS kids grow up not able to develop these social language and interaction skills, and struggle with interaction as a result. The more concrete the situation, the easier it is. But when layers of motive, intent, and affect are involved, it's difficult to understand and process. Introvertedness is often part of the package, and measurements of high "intelligence" according to standardized IQ measures often indicate high numbers. Many do well in school, since the predictive rigidness of most schooling facilitates success at rote learning. Some members of my family are AS and it has been very interesting to look back on our childhood and see it all play out. All are introverted (but can be wild and social when necessary)but struggle with effective personal communication.