It is agony to explain the meaning of the mean slang words to my Aspie

[bleedingheart]

my son is hearing people called...

gay
fairy
fag
dork
geek

...of course...the list goes on...

So he comes home and wants to know why people are calling a boy a fairy. I sit him down..I talk to him and tell him that while fairy may mean a small sprite with magical powers...it is also a word used to describe men in a derogatory way. It was agony because he thought I was making this stuff up.

His younger sister chimed in and had to help me explain...cuz she has already been exposed to this nonsense but understands it...

Gosh the world is just so hard for him to understand at times...he is getting better but it is still hard.

[siligut]

1. Be factual

Sorry for your pain. Take the emotion out of it if you can, just make a conscious decision to separate the feelings from the words, it will be easier.

I want to comment on what you said about him thinking you are making things up. The idea that you would make things up comes from where? I am not saying you have done something to give him this idea, please, I just want to know why he would believe that.

[hunter]

2. I can guess, making things up...

"Making things up" = "Not assimilating the meaning from it." It's just another example of confused boundaries.

I'm a middle aged guy, I communicate fairly well (I think!) but it still often strikes me that words are only loosely coupled with meanings. All sorts of things people say seem to be entirely "made-up." Language itself is a "made up" sort of thing.

Even with my experience I can still be entirely oblivious to emotional contexts, either in what people say, or when I say something that I'm certain has no emotional context at all, but someone else thinks it's funny, or offensive, etc..

I stumble around when I'm speaking, which is why I like to write, I can mull over things, go back, rewrite etc., But even then I can screw up.

Food stuff trips me up often, since I'm the cook in our house. I'll mention something sort of interesting about the food, like I had to cut the ends of the corn off because of the earworms, and suddenly nobody wants to eat! But that's sort of a trivial thing compared to some of the burning bridges types of personal interactions I've ignited by misinterpreting things.

[siligut]

3. You communicate so well

Hunter, thank you. You are very much like my husband, I am working toward understanding him and I appreciate your ability to communicate. I am so trying to understand, but when my explanations are questioned, when my intentions are questioned, I am hurt. Now I am understanding, I get that my love/goodwill isn’t permanent in his mind. I think I need to show him everyday that I treasure him.

[bleedingheart]

4. he is very literal about meanings and the idea of slang terms

is very odd to him.

while he has received therapy and continues to get assistance with understanding the world around him...slang is one of those things that his concrete thinking mind can't really comprehend at times.

[siligut]

5. Makes sense.

So it isn’t about distrust, it is about his inability to interpret meaning. Okay, that is clear, a mind that takes things literally would have trouble with slang. I am so glad we have this forum, I learn from these posts.