An Aspie Christmas

[TrogL]

When I was a kid, during the gear-up for Christmas there would be the obligartory "what do you want for Christmas" moment. I'd ask for one small present. Several years running, it was a recording (LP) of a Beethoven symphony - total cost about $2.50. All the other kids wrote out lists totalling hundreds of dollars.

So come Christmas Day (1965) there'd be dozens of presents for all the family and when asked "what do you open first", I'd want to open the big square one. It would be my copy of Beethoven's Fifth or whatever, so I'm good to go. I put on my record, settle back to listen and zone out the rest of chaos. Pretty soon I'm humming along to the Funeral March from the Eroica.

Nothing doing.

"Ooooh, we can't listen to that - we should have happy, happy, happy Christmas music on." So, the single Christmas present I wanted is set aside - I don't get to listen to it for the rest of the day, instead there's blaring "It's a holly, jolly Christmas" as background noise, preventing me from hearing what anybody's saying except the people bellowing and screeching in my ear.

"OOOOh, you should be opening your other presents - look what you got from Auntie Mabel, you should be happy, now say thank you to Auntie Mabel and give her a big kiss", so nothing would do but I had to go all bugshit happy, and let Auntie Mabel slobber on me (literally).

"OOOOHHHHH, look at all the toys - all the kids should get together and play together with all toys and everybody can talk and share and be together and everybody will be haaappEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" so there I sit with a Barbie doll being force fed imaginary tea while cousin Doofus bangs me on the head with a plastic hammer - sound track "Rocking 'round the Christmas tree" - "TrogL, OOOOOOOOEEEEEEEE, TrogL you're supposed to smile!! (whack) SMILE (whack) SMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLEEE (whack bam bash)"

"OOOOOOOOHHHHHHH, let's get everybody for a family picture, here c'mon TrogL (yank), you need to get in line here (shove), and push right up against your cousin Bubba (kick) now everybody smile, TrogL you need to smile, everybody (screaming) smile SMILE SMIIIIIIIIILLLEEE {tantrum} TrogL why aren't you smiling, you're trying to wreck Christmas just like usual..." (grabs my face, pulling it into an exaggerated grin) "there THAAAAAT's better don't you feel SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better now that you (screaming) SMIIIIIIIIIIIILLLING" (Bubba sucker-punches me from behind) "TROGL, YOU SIT NICE AND LEAVE BUBBA ALONE" (FLASH, FLASH, BOOM - I'm getting a migraine)

So, now it's time for Christmas dinner. There's 14 people crowded around a table designed for 6. I get shoved in between Bubba (elbowing me in the ribs) and Aunt Mabel (now drooling - literally). Cousin Doofus is firing peas at me with his fork. I like to eat my food in a certain order, yucky to nice. My plan is to eat mashed potatoes, squash, peas, turkey and dressing in that order like usual. I'm not having desert - Aunt Mabel made a rum cake but something went wrong and it's grown a furry coat of bread mold but nobody wants to say anything to avoid hurting her feelings. Bread products give me heartburn and I don't like the taste or texture of butter. I like my water glass in the centre of my table setting so I don't knock it over if my knife slips.

Nothing doing.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH your water glass can't be there (everything from here on is screamed at the top of her considerable lungs) it has to be HEEEEEEERE (slam, water slops) now you see what you've done, you've gotten water all OOOOVER the place (grabs my napkin out of my lap, groping me in the process) here we'll get it all mopped up so now your (soaking wet - I'm afraid of water) napkin belongs tucked into your shirt (choke - nobody else including younger children has theirs like that) and OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH you don't have a dinner roll, you HAAAAAAAAAAAVE to have a dinner roll and you don't have any butter on anything what kind of parents do you have not making sure you have butter all over your food you HAAAAAAAAAAVE to have butter so here lets get a big dollup of butter (it's flying everywhere including all over me) and a GREAAAAAAAAAAAT big dinner roll and let's take your little knife (it's the same size as everybody else's) and cut the roll in half (the knife slips knocking over the water glass - I get soaked) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO you bad little child see what you've made me do so we'll just take your napkin (strangle) and mop all this up (it's already soaked, what's that going to accomplish) and now we'll put it back in your lap (I though it was supposed to be in my collar - make up your fucking mind) and now let's get some mooooorrrre butter for your mashed potato and on your squash and lots on your peas WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY are there peas all over the place you're SUCH a messy eater (I haven't had a bite) and on your dressing (huh?) and some more on the side of your plate and we HAAAAAVE to clean up these peas you messy little boy so we'll put them on your plate (shoving other food aside to make room - this causes the butter to slide off the plate onto the napkin in my lap) and OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO look you've got a bit of food on your face so let's take your napkin (gobs a big honker on napkin) and wipe it off (smearing butter and slime all over my face) and dry it off (with a soaking wet napkin - at least it's getting some of the butter and snot off on the side that isn't shoved into her sweating tits) and now you need to eat some of your dressing (loads up a huge fucking forkful and shoves it in my face - I choke) oh NOWWWW what's wrong (bystanders note that look in my eye portending homicide and suggest I should try eating on my own) oh AAAAAAAAAAALLLL right you're a BIIIIIIIIIG boy now (I'm taller than she is but she's wider than I am tall) so EAAAAAAAAT your food you need to EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAATT so you'll be healthy (I gravely start in on my mashed potato) oh but your not SMIIIIIIIIILING everybody is having SUCH a good time (they look ill) so EAAAAAAAAAAAT (I thought I was supposed to be smiling but I take another forkful of mashed potato) but he's not eating his squash WHY ISN"T HE EATING HIS SQUASH (so I have some squash) BUT HE'S NOT EATING HIS PEEEEEEEEEEEAS (fine, whatever) and he doesn't have any desert ALLLLLLLL children need desert (so she cuts me a huge piece of cake dripping rum all over the table and mold all over my food) and oh your water glass is empty (she fills it to overflowing, soaking the table but at least it's washed away some of the rum) THAAAAAAAAAATS better (I make a stab for the rum cake 'cause I figure that's what she wants me to eat next otherwise why dump it on my plate now) HOW CAN YOU HAVE ANY PUDDING BEFORE YOU'VE EATEN YOUR MEAT (Pink Floyd, you owe me royalties) WHY IS IT TAKING YOU SO LONG TO EAT YOU'RE ALWAYS DAWDLING OVER YOUR FOOD (I was taught to chew every bite, in the meantime my father's shoveling in his third helping, choking and spewing all over the table) so you need to EEEEAAAAATT (I make another futile stab at mashed potatoes) but he's not eating his squash (my fork moves a millimetre in that direction) BUT HE'S NOT EATING HIS PEAS (fork moves an angstrom) BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT EEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAATING HIIIISSSSSSSS ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL"

She grabs it, planning to shove it in my face. I bolt, screaming, for my bedroom and collapse on the floor sobbing. My father comes stomp STOMP STOOOOOOOOOMPING down the hall kicks the (unlocked) door BAM BAM BAM scrabbles for the light switch but can't get it on so instead uses his fingernails to pry the entire light switch out of the wall then turns on me with white flecks of foam spattering out of his mouth screaming...

YOU'VE WRECKED CHRISTMAS AGAIN!!!!
YOU'VE WRECKED CHRISTMAS!!!!!
YOU'VE WRECKED CHRISTMAS!!!!!
YOU'VE WRECKED CHRISTMAS!!!!!
YOU'VE WRECKED CHRISTMAS!!!!!
YOU'VE WRECKED CHRISTMAS!!!!!
YOU'VE WRECKED CHRISTMAS!!!!!
YOU'VE WRECKED CHRISTMAS!!!!!
YOU'VE WRECKED CHRISTMAS!!!!!
YOU'VE WRECKED CHRISTMAS!!!!!

Christ was born so He might die for our Sin.

[Kajsa]

1. Oh Trogl,

I'm so sorry your family did not understand you and
how you perceived things!

What a friggin nightmare!
;(

It took me a while to get what my son was objecting to
and why he got upset many times.

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us.

:hug:

[Kajsa]

2. Just a note to add,

I perceive things much like my son does,( and the descriptions
in your story) many times.

I'm not sure why- maybe it's because I'm trying to see things
from his perspective and/or I have a bit of that perspective, myself.

I too, get sensory overload and want to scream at times.
There are other examples, also- too numerous to mention.
So I am talking empathy here- I experience it too,sometimes.
Again, I don't know why---

---just thinking out loud here---.