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Tommy Carcetti

Tommy Carcetti's Journal
Tommy Carcetti's Journal
July 28, 2023

Picture this: Democratic Underground, 2008.

An exciting presidential candidate by the name of Barack Obama is taking the country by storm. Americans everywhere are debating as to what song to use as their profile song for their Myspace Page. The Dark Knight dazzles at the box office, and a little known singer named Lady Gaga is preparing to drop her debut album.

And here at Democratic Underground, we get a message out of Sheboygan, Wisconsin from a 14 year old political wunderkind by the name of Asher Heimermann.


Or at least that's how he frames himself as being. And at first, it seems innocent and endearing. He seems just like a young kid who claims to be an Obama supporter who is raising money for Barack Obama's campaign. And most people applaud in good faith, because we like that sort of thing.

But then, the wheels seem to slowly start to come off the Asher Heimermann wagon.

Because while he claims to be doing this for Obama, he starts coming off as rather...self-absorbed.

He titles all his posts as "Comment from Asher Heimermann," as if it's some royal fiat or declaration.

He starts relentlessly pushing his own personal website and newsletter, which is all amazingly about him and only him.

And while he claims to be raising money for Obama, he's insisting that people send the money directly through him, as opposed to the campaign itself. Which probably isn't kosher in terms of campaign finance-wise. And seems mightily grifter-ish.

So some people begin to grumble and question his motives. Other people get defensive, and accuse the first camp of ganging up on a poor teenager who claims he just wants to be politically active. Fists fly. Accusations abound. Brother against brother. Father against son, and mother against daughter. Pretty soon Democratic Underground becomes all-consumed as to what do do with Asher Heimermann.

And at that point, Asher himself springs to action, and makes an important announcement to everyone on the website. He titles it "CONFERENCE CALL IN 15 MINUTES!" and demands that everyone here join him on a very important telephonic conference call where the topic will be exclusively about him and his activism and his tremendous value to the DU website.

At that point, the jig here is pretty much up for Asher, and he gets PPR'ed (or "Tombstoned" as we liked to call it back then).

The story for Asher doesn't necessarily stop there though. While he's no longer a mainstay here at DU, he continues to fashion himself a big deal in his hometown of Sheboygan.

In 2011 as a 17 year old, he runs for Sheboygan mayor. In 2012, he runs for the Wisconsin legislature. Of course, he doesn't come close to winning any of these elections, but it's enough to give him some press in the local media, the Huffington Post and even apparently on NBC's Today Show.

But what may have started out as cute when he was younger quickly turns into a local nuisance once he hits adulthood.

He decides to rig his car up with flashing lights, wear an official police-styled looking uniform, and go around to accidents in his area as self-described "Incident Response," but really would just take pictures of accidents and immediately upload them onto social media, even before families of victims can be notified.

He jumps on unfounded rumors of school shootings, creating alarm where none is warranted.

He's basically Kyle Rittenhouse--down to the Wisconsin birthright--but sans the double homicide, thankfully.

Understandably, locals are none too pleased.

But the Adult Asher Heimermann abides nonetheless.

He's created a new website titled--no joke---"The Executive Office of Asher Heimermann":


And if you read his "official bio,"--peppered with his many achievements such as being elected Freshman Class President, as well as various barbs at his former political opponents and classmates--you'll find that he claims to have long been a Republican activist since he was 10 years old, and that he claims to have supported Donald Trump in 2016 and 2020.


Which leads us to this very important question:

Were you playing us back in 2008, Asher? Were you?

Anyways, it's truly a train-wreck phenomenon, but still quite fascinating nonetheless: Tracking the trajectory of a malignant narcissist from adolescence all the way well into adulthood.

July 27, 2023

Jack Smith and the Blue Angels

When I was a young kid, one of my favorite things to do every year was to take in the annual air show over at the nearby air base.

Usually these shows would feature the famous Blue Angels aerobatic team. And there was one trick in particular they did that I remember.

There were 6 planes total in the Blue Angels. They’d all take off together and do a few initial stunts as a team.

Then two of the planes would inevitably split off from the group, while the remaining 4 continued to entertain the crowd.

And there would always come a point where we as the audience would be watching the four planes in front of us perform some stunt, when all of a sudden, one of the two planes that had split off would come up from behind the audience at a high speed and low altitude and surprise everyone. It would give everyone a great jump scare because while we were distracted by the planes in front of us watching them do a trick, the one solo plane would launch a sneak attack on us that no one saw coming.

And it was shocking, but once you got over that shock, you couldn’t help but laugh.

That’s what Jack Smith did today.

We were all watching him on the January 6th case and expecting something out of that today, and instead he comes out of nowhere and surprises us with the new Mar a Lago documents case charge against Trump.

A surprise “sneak pass” trick indeed!

July 25, 2023

Indictments are not like demerits or bad Yelp reviews.

You can't just shake them off or accuse them of being issued out of spite or jealousy, and be done with it.

Indictments mean there is evidence you broke a specific law and that you are being charged with a crime.

They mean you are facing the prospect of having to sit in person for a trial--possibly for a period of days to weeks, depending on the case--where your own personal culpability is on the line.

They mean you are facing the prospect of being found guilty, and having a punishment imposed for your guilt.

Including, in many circumstances, jail/prison time where you will be legally confined and deprived of personal liberty.

Indictments signal a process--a long, laborious, time-consuming process, with real consequences and repercussions.

That's why I don't get all the cynicism about Trump supposedly getting more popular after being indicted, or all the handwringing over trial dates.

First of all, any fortification of popular support for Trump following indictments is happening exclusively within the Republican Party.

He's not getting any support from independents, from moderates, or obviously from Democrats. Indictments only further hurt and erode support for Trump for anyone outside of the cloistered Republican/Trumpist base.

Secondly, regardless of whether any trial happens before the election or after the election, as of now, they're set to happen. And again, unless you're a diehard Trumpist, the fact that Trump is running as a man under indictment is a serious, serious liability and not as asset.

I think it's important to stop and take stock of the truly deep shit Donald Trump is in at the current moment. It's not to be brushed off casually.

July 24, 2023

BREAKING NEWS: Following Twitter's lead, McDonalds to retire iconic "Golden Arches" logo

In the wake of the sudden decision by social media giant Twitter to replace its famous “blue bird” brand logo with a simple “X” marking, another major corporation has chosen to abandon its longstanding and unmistakable logo in order to signal a radically different direction for the company.

Fast food conglomerate McDonalds announced in a press conference today that it soon will be retiring its ubiquitous “Golden Arches” logo found in front of its restaurants worldwide and replacing it with a new corporate insignia that it believes “more closely identifies with the true mission of McDonalds.”

“Face it, McDonalds was never anyone’s idea of fine dining,” CEO Chris Kempczinksi said before a gathering of reporters. “Sure, it might be an ideal place to get a quick, inexpensive meal. Or maybe to satisfy a craving or a guilty pleasure. But let’s be honest: the food itself was never the actual star of McDonalds.”

Instead, Kempczinski said consumers should be reminded of McDonalds’ true legacy to the business world.

“When Ray Kroc took control of McDonalds in 1961, he transformed it from a small chain of local eateries into an unstoppable behemoth that now spans the entire globe,” he said. “Now, 95% of our stores operate as franchise-owned restaurants. This allows us as a corporation the freedom to develop and market new products that are identifiable to consumers everywhere, while allowing local independently owned companies to assume all the day-to-day risks that come with the ordinary operation of business.”

Therefore, to highlight McDonalds’ pioneering franchise model, the “Golden Arches” logo will be replaced with a very different type of visual branding: the words “16 CFR Part 436,” written in plain, stark, black and white font.

“16 CFR Part 436 is the portion of the federal code governing the franchisor-franchisee relationship,” Kempczinski noted. “We think renaming our stores after this regulatory code plays the proper respect to the revolutionary business strategy that we as a company helped to perfect.”

In addition to new signage, the interior of restaurants will be getting a different look as well.

“Gone are the bright colors and photographic displays that have been commonplace features at McDonalds up to this point,” Kemcpzinski explained. “They’ll be replaced an atmosphere that is more evocative of, say, an accountant’s office. You know, intermittently flashing florescent paneled lights. Drop ceilings. Thin, gray industrial carpet. Those sort of things. We don’t want anything that makes customers to feel welcomed in any sort of way. Just eat and get out as soon as possible. That will translate into maximum level and efficiency and profit for everyone involved.”

Names of menu items long associated with McDonalds’ will also be made part of the makeover.

“We’ll be doing away with names such as ‘Big Mac,’ ‘Quarter Pounder with Cheese,’ and ‘McNuggets,’ and replacing them with references to various subsections of the regulatory code,” Kempczinski noted. “So, you should be prepared to order a 16 CFR 436.5(p) with a side of 16: Subpart A.”

“Now, will you know what you’re actually getting?” he continued. “Probably not. But in placing your order, you should know that you’re paying an homage to the great wonder that is the American corporate franchise system. Be proud!”

One thing that will be a holdover from McDonalds’ former days of lighthearted culinary fun? The children’s Happy Meal. But even that will bear little resemblance to its prior incarnation.

“No longer will our Happy Meal feature a box with whimsical images and games and characters,” Kempczinski stated. “Instead, before receiving their food, all children will be required to fill out an Assets and Liabilities disclosure form, similar to what we ask all our prospective franchisees to complete. We figure this will shut the little buggers up while we cook them their food.”

Kempczinski was then asked whether children will still receive a toy with their meal.

“A toy?” Kempczinski responded. “Yeah, um, sure. We can give them a toy. We’ll give them…the pencil they used to fill out the form. Kids will love it. You can use it for school or any number of other utilitarian purposes. They should feel privileged just to have that, really.”

All in all, Kempczinski maintained a positive outlook on all the new changes in store for his famous brand.

“To quote our new slogan,” he said, “Ba-da-da-da! We’re lovin’ the judicial immunity from liability for all events in the regular course of business of our franchise stores, including but not limited to as personal injury litigation, employee sexual harassment claims and all torts relating to and/or arising out of defective or spoiled products!”


July 11, 2023

BREAKING NEWS: Comer provides names of 5 more individuals alleged to have information against Bidens

Following the federal indictment of Gal Luft—a self-proclaimed whistleblower who claimed to have information of wrongdoing against President Biden and his son Hunter—on charges that he acted as a foreign agent for China and violated sanctions against Iran, House Oversight Chairman James Comer (R-Kentucky) provided the names of additional individuals who he claimed to have “damning information” pertaining to the Bidens.

At a press conference Tuesday morning, Comer listed the identities of at least five persons he claimed would testify to “irrefutable proof of wrongdoing and felonious illegality” that he claims was committed by the President and his son.

The individuals include:

--Fugitive Serbian war criminal Sergi Vlodic, accused of a series of terrible atrocities against civilians dating back to 1996;

--Internationally renown jewel thief Lance “the Falcon” Delaney, who was able to stealthily nab the world-famous Integrity Diamond (approximately valued at $20 million) in a sensational heist at its secure location in the French Riviera, all thanks to his charm, good looks, quick wit, debonair persona and unparalleled powers of seduction;

--Disgraced ex-CIA officer John Matthews, who provided the North Korean government with the names of dozens of secret informants imbedded in the country, as well as the blueprints of several U.S. nuclear production facilities;

--Health executive Mary Stevenson, currently under investigation for nearly $1 billion in Medicare and Medicaid fraud, where it is alleged she used such funds for her own personal benefit, including purchasing a 12,000 square foot mansion in Plano, Texas, a large fleet of private luxury cars, helicopters and aircraft, at least two Supreme Court justices and the world-famous Integrity Diamond (approximately valued at $20 million); and

--David Dennison, indicted on 34 felony counts of falsifying business records to cover up the use of campaign funds to pay off an alleged affair he had with a porn actress as well as 37 felony counts of mishandling highly classified documents, and who is also under federal and state investigation for various acts of interference in the certification of the 2020 presidential election.

When asked, Comer would not reveal what information any of the individuals might have against either Biden or his son Hunter, but nonetheless insisted that whatever it might be, it would be “devastating” to the President’s interests and necessitate further impeachment inquiry.

“I’m not just going to sit here and compromise this investigation by telling all of you in the media everything these very fine people know about the unspeakably terrible deeds of Joe and Hunter Biden,” Comer said. “Nor do I even currently know anything about what they might know. Nor do they even currently know anything about what they might know, for that matter. The fact is that they don't actually know anything about anything, but let's not focus on that part for right now, okay?”

“What I do know for certain, however, is that any attempt to further prosecute these brave individuals or subject them to any sort of legal scrutiny for any sort of reason whatsoever is proof positive that the Deep State will stop at nothing in attempting to silence them and the truth that I so desperately wish for them to give us,” Comer added.


July 5, 2023

Took my family to visit DC this past week. Enjoyed it a lot, with one exception.

This past week as part of our family vacation, I took my family to visit Washington, DC.

For anyone who's thinking of taking a trip there, it's well worth it.

In two days time, we saw the Air and Space Museum, Natural History Museum, National Archives and American History Museum. We also walked the National Mall, walk past the Capitol, Washington Monument, White House and World War II Memorial. (All of this is entirely free, in case you are wondering!)

We wanted to go all the way to the Lincoln Memorial but the hot weather and long walk put a bit of a damper on that.

And we got to travel the Washington Metro, one of the cleanest and most efficient public transportation systems in the country. (You feel like you're on a spaceship on those trains!)

All in all, it was a great time for everyone, with one exception.

Specifically, outside every museum, you'll see dozens and dozens of vendors. Mostly food trucks, but some people selling memorabilia as well.

And, no, that wasn't the problem.

What got me upset and angry was some of the memorabilia carts. They had all the normal DC merchandise--shirts, mugs, hats, snowglobes, etc.

But several of them were actually selling "Trump 2024" hats and merchandise. A couple also had the inane "Let's Go Brandon" merchandise as well.

Now, I didn't feel like making a scene. And I had no idea if the person working the cart actually had any sort of ownership interest in it, or was simply some poor minimum wage worker hired to man the register. So I didn't bother confronting anyone. (Honestly, the people manning the booths did not look like the prototypical Trump supporters, but who knows.)

But just seeing that Trump merchandise made my blood boil. Because I immediately thought back to the footage of January 6th. And throngs of thousands of Trumpists on that day, on that very same National Mall, all marching on the Capitol. All in a violent insurrection in an attempt to disrupt the peaceful and democratic transfer of power in this country. And all because of that one cursed man whose name was on those very hats and shirts.

Now, I'm no fool. I know it's a free country. I know we have the First Amendment. People will be allowed to sell what they want to sell, and we can't interfere with that.

But if people actually had any sort of sense or common decency, the name "Trump" or any attempt to merchandise on it would never be seen on the National Mall, knowing what happened on January 6th. It was sickening.

Now, the good news is, I saw thousands of people in my two days in DC. And of those thousands of people--with people selling Trump merch left and right--I saw a grand total of one person wearing Trump merch. One.

One guy--probably late teens to early 20s--was wearing a Trump 2024 hat. (He was also wearing a Fall Out Boy shirt, which if you wanted to convey the image of a badass, tough rock band, Fall Out Boy is about as far from that image as you can get. Unless he was intentionally trying to be ironic. Who knows...)

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