Arkansas to bu$h: be afraid [View All]

[dbt]

Dear Sir:

Your handlers certainly know, whether or not they have told you, that two polls show you losing Arkansas to Kerry/Edwards. Both Zogby and Rasmussen indicate that you will not be getting the Wonder State's six electoral votes this year.

This is a Bad Thing for you, Sir, and I think you need to start looking for another line of work. You see, a place like Arkansas ought to be a lock for somebody like you--but it's not.

For all the Liberals we have given the world--Fulbright, Bumpers and Clinton--we are a conservative state. Our churches are packed on Sundays and on Wednesday nights. We own guns, we drive pickup trucks and we do not tolerate homosexuality. LONG after 9/11, you could not find a place that "supported our President" more than Arkansas did. We got your Family Values down here, Sir.

Lord, but we hate and fear Yankees! We know all about Taxachusetts and how them Libruls always want to raise our taxes and take away our guns and teach Witchcraft in kindergarten. We CRAVE a Good Christian Man in the White House. Somebody as God-fearin' and HUMBLE as yourself ought not to even have to ask for our votes; they would be a given. I'm sure you and Mr. Chee-knee got some sense of our piety during the six or so trips you have made down here so far this year.

So why are you fixing to LOSE Arkansas?

I reckon it's got to do with the lying, Sir. See, you've told us about the Tax Cuts--but none of us can find anybody here who actually got one. You have told us, in your speeches here, about all the jobs you are creating. But half an hour after you leave town, the Maytag plant or the packing house will up and lay off 600 people or so. Now, we are certainly not used to riches of the material sort in Arkansas. But we damn sure take exception to our standards of living being lowered even a little. You see, they ain't that high to start with.

Then there's that matter of all our National Guard members being packed off to the desert for something that you told us was going to be a cakewalk. Then, you turn around and tell us that they are going to have to stay there longer than you told us they would when you called them up! On top of that, we've had to bury twenty or so of our finest men. (That might not sound like a lot in the grand scheme of things, but you're talking about a place where everybody knows everybody else. People talk, you know.)

With all respect, Sir, you have shit your nest with us. We will put up with a lot of things, but we will not abide a liar--especially one who is getting our young men killed off and wouldn't complete his own service to start with. We didn't have a what you would call a strong economy in the first place, and damned if it don't look like you're trying to kill that off, too.

I sorta hate to tell you this part, but a lot of Arkies have decided that you are a Sorry Bastard. We hate Sorry Bastards worse than we hate liars and queers, which is considerable. When you are seen in Arkansas to be a Sorry Bastard (or a Sorry Sumbitch), even the churches will give up on you.

This all consternates me a good bit, as I figured you'd be able to have another one of those Landslides down here. Reckon there's nothing to be done now but stand back and watch 'er fall. I just didn't want you to be surprised by your inability to carry this part of the South. Of course, it's not like you'll be in the Poorhouse next year. Word is, you're pretty well-connected. But good luck anyhow!

Your Friend,
dbt

:evilgrin: