Reply #23: What is the message you are sending him? [View All]

[texastoast]

Seems like your son is smart (clever, devious??), but just not self-motivated. Will you always be there to punish him when he is grown so he will motivate himself?

Did he pay for all the possessions he apparently has, or have you done it for him?

Does he have a job to pay for his car, insurance, gas, etc., or do you do that for him?

IMHO, you are teaching him that you don't have faith that he can pull himself out of this without your punishment. When does he learn to fix his own messes? 20, 25, 30, while he is still living at home because he doesn't know how to maneuver in the world because you have done it for him all these years?

Perhaps you should listen to that voice that is telling you to cool off, then explain that you are sure he can figure a way out of his poor grades. Put him in charge of figuring a way out of the mess. Meanwhile, since you bought all of his stuff (right?), tell him that losing his stuff is a natural consequence of not making decent grades in school and his probable skipping of school (although this, in and of itself, will not bring his grades up--that would be studying). If he did in fact buy his stuff, you really don't have a right to take it away.

Support him. Does he NEED a tutor?

Also, dropping grades like this can also be a sign of depression resulting from drug use or vice versa. Search his room and stuff.