Reply #15: Believe Me, I Know the Feeling [View All]

[On the Road]

and the suggestion of seeing a counselor is a good one if you get the right person. Key is having a good relationship involving mutual respect with a good listener. That's what MSW's are paid to do, but some are better than others. (I've had both.) A lot of medical plans will pay for it outside of a small copay -- the professional can usually come up with a description that the insurance company will accept.

I was so afraid of people in high school, it threatened to destroy my life. I had to devote major portions of my life to changing that pattern with good but not total success.

One thing I needed was a group I could be with and be accepted and feel good with. Even the chess club or a church young people's group. Made a big difference. (I even temporarily became an evangelical Christian when I was 17. Not exactly recommending this unless you're already inclined, but the openness and love were actually very healing for me.)

I had a ton of blue-collar jobs when I was young. Many of them, like driving taxis, waiting on tables, and being a short-order cook, forced me to be with a variety of other people in certain well-defined ways and provided ways to relate to a variety of people.

I eventually looked for a career that would force me to be in touch with people in a constructive way. Not sales (hated that and couldn't do it). Not counseling (too morose and isolated), I ended up going to business school. (Might do something different in retrospect, but that was the idea.)

I've had a nice stable job with a large company ("Verizon") for a long time. I've done well in positions with a lot of contact with others, but in where people came to me when they needed help to get something done. That works for me. The human context is important. A year ago I got transferred into an isolated reporting job and almost had a meltdown.

A lot of it's just finding the right social context or a job or other role that works for you. At least that's my experience. This is a big thing. It can get better and be very rewarding. But it takes thought, planning, and perseverence.