Reply #23: What the OP should have said [View All]

[jgraz]

Dear Degenerate Fuckheads:

We hereby make these promises to you.

We will protect our lives and livelihoods from your predatory, murderous policies.

We will listen to and respect your beliefs, but we will never again allow your medieval superstitions to run our lives.

We will never try to force you to change your religion, sexual orientation, or first language. And if you ever try to do this to us we will kick your ass into next week.

We will do our best to reduce the number of abortions in our country. By allowing your ignorant brood to learn about healthy sexuality and birth control.

We will have no tolerance for corruption and cronyism, even in our own party. ESPECIALLY since we'll have no place to put them with all y'all taking up all the prison space.

We will never tell you that you are unpatriotic. As long as you pay your fair share of taxes without complaint and sign up to fight in any war you support. Oh, and try to cut down on outing our covert foreign operatives.

We will never tell you that your opinion doesn't count. Because "opinion" is a big word and you might not understand us. Instead we'll just say "shut the fuck up you inbred moron."

We will never waste your lives for power. We'll let you waste them on crystal meth and gay prostitutes.

We will hold our leaders to a high ethical standard and when they succumb to lust for power, THEY"LL STILL BE TWENTY TIMES BETTER THAN THE NAZI FREAKS YOU VOTE FOR.

If we forget this, please, please, please, remind us. So we can go out back and shoot ourselves like you would if you had any shred of self-respect.

We need you to do this. After all, we need somebody to pick up the trash and park our cars. But put a towel down first -- I just had it detailed and I don't want to get Redneck all over the leather.