Reply #52: OK, I'll expand on "empathy." [View All]

[Sapphocrat]

By virtue of being an oppressed minority, I empathize with anyone who is a member of an oppressed minority. However, I cannot possibly know what it means to be black, or disabled (yet), or even an atheist (yet). I'd never be so presumptuous as to assume I could -- but I know I can put myself, to a point, in the shoes of others with whom I share the "oppressed-minority" experience.

Go ahead, pick my words apart some more. I'm serious -- I'm rather enjoying being made to explain myself. It's good for me. :)

As far as your distinction between being sorry "that" and sorry "for," do you think you think feeling sorry "for" someone is something other than "wishing for their sake that they didn't have to put up with all the crap that comes with being disabled"?

I think I must not have explained it clearly enough. There's a very clear difference to me:

- "I feel sorry that Joe is disabled" = "I wish that Joe didn't have to deal with access ramps and the stares from ignorant people who think a wheelchair makes Joe less of a human being."

- "I feel sorry for Joe" = "Joe sees himself as less than worthy because he's in a wheelchair / gay / poor / whatever, and that makes me feel sad, because I don't think he should pin his self-worth as a human being on something that has nothing to do with who he is as a person."

Is doing that, what you describe as being sorry "that," respecting- accepting- who a person is?

I'm not sure I understand this part of the question, but I'll try to answer: Respect and acceptance has nothing to do with it. I can respect a person even if I can't accept his beliefs; I can accept a person even if I can't respect his beliefs. The physical (or mental) doesn't enter into it for me.

I think I'm really confused about what you're asking here.

Are you wishing that they were someone else?

No, not at all. As long as we're in these physical vessels, everything about us goes into making up who we are on the inside. And here's where I run the risk of getting too philosophical/spiritual: I subscribe to the school of thought that what we are, who we are, and what we are doing is exactly what we should be and do at any given moment. If my mythical friend Joe had never had the experience of being disabled, then he wouldn't be the person he is. I'd never want to change who he is, or make him anything other than who he already is. Instead, I would rather educate other people -- make other people understand that with Joe, and with anyone, WYSIWYG; that wheelchairs or seizures or anything else comes with the territory, but it is not who Joe is.

In other words, it's not Joe I would want to change.

And, finally, as far as the Iraqi people. A set up? No. It's not a set up. You seemed to have a handle on what you thought about feeling sorry for people. I wanted to know if you felt sorry for the Iraqi people. I don't know how else to put it. I suppose you would say that you would only feel sorry for them if they felt sorry for themselves.

You're good at this. LOL

Seriously: Of course I feel sorry for the Iraqi people -- as I would for anyone in the same position. I suppose I might feel different -- albeit incredulous -- if the Iraqi people all sent a letter to the U.S. thanking us for making them "better people" for the experience of watching their loved ones slaughtered. If someone tells me, "I'm grateful for my suffering because of reasons X, Y, and Z," I may not understand it, but I would be forced to accept their reasoning.