Reply #63: I won't tell you to get over it....but as someone who knows how it feels.. [View All]

[Liberal Veteran]

..to be betrayed again and again by a parent, I will tell you this:

You must pick up the pieces of your life and rebuild them. One thing you MUST NOT DO when you are doing this is allow your parents the opportunity to hold that kind of power over you anymore. It's a tough choice to make. You have to start rebuilding the foundation of your life and you need to make sure that you don't make them a cornerstone in that so that if you need to you can take or leave them as necessary and not experience the upheaval you are currently experiencing.

Nothing I can say will make things better or erase what has been taken from you. But now you find yourself at a crossroads in life. You didn't choose you parents, but from here on out you get to choose who and on what terms you will allow a person to be a part of your life. That's YOUR power now. Take it. Dust yourself off and move on. Learn from this and don't allow these people to dictate your future as they have your past.

It will not be easy, but if you truly want to build a strong and happy life for yourself, you now know there are certain people that you must not rely on. Don't worry to much about yesterday because it over and you can't change it. Your life is now your responsibility and you will have decide whether you are ready to face it on your terms or continue to allow a destructive influence to dictate your path.

And that is what people mean when they say "get over it" or "grow up". You won't really just "get over it" and you will never feel completely grown up. A part of you will always look back in askance at the mistakes of the past and what might have been, but that is an indulgence you cannot now afford. Survival and progress dictates that you have to look at what yet may be. This is a journey you can only start from your present position in life. Decide now what direction to take and make the first steps toward becoming the independent and strong person you want to be. Don't do it to spite them, do it in spite of them and you will be surprised where you are in a year, two years, ten years down the road. You will look back and say to yourself, "What I am is because of me and no one will ever be able to take that from me".

On edit: One last thing. It's okay to keep the lines of communication open but do not spend an inordinate amount of time trying to turn your parents into something they are not. You are not responsible for her behavior, so why beat yourself up over it?